Just 10 minutes...

I realize that at times it may be hard to really notice your significant other.

Work gets in the way
The children and all the responsibilities get in the way
making of dinner
paying the bills
road rage
laundry rage
computer time
stupid argument over toothpaste
you fill in your distraction
it gets in the way


It is all too easy for the day to pass and you haven't really spoken to your spouse other than to grumble good morning or hello.
But it is important that you schedule a minimum of 10 minutes a day to connect.
To talk about your day, to see each other.... to share a touch, a kiss even
It could be just before you go to bed or first thing as you wake but without that time for connection then you can easily fall into simply being roommates.

When is our ten minutes... the ten minutes before I go to bed ( hubbie usually stays up later bonding with the computer.)

When would our special talking time be?

It's not all about you!

Another post from that 'a Cup of Jo' marriage series says a key to a good marriage is trying your best to focus on what your significant other needs you to be to him, instead of what you want him to be to you.

This is such great advice

BUT

Do you know how hard this is?!
Thinking about your husband/wife first and not yourself.
In this the it's all about ME, self gratifying time we are living in.
Lets face it...ridiculously hard LOL because I don't know about you I am self centered!

However if we can at least attempt to attain just a little of shift in focus to your spouse and not the almighty 'me' 'I ' then we may open up a door of possible happiness and peace.

Borrowing a quote from the post
"Love your other how they need to be loved, not how you need to be."

Try it! what is the worst that could happen....
your significant other may like it
...or worse yet you may!

(oh I have actually been working on this myself and I can attest that thinking of what the hubbie needs before what I need is not all that bad)

I didn't have my cup of tea this morning

sigh!
It was on the grocery list that was given to the hubbie
BUT
he said it wasn't a priority the box of tea so he bought ramen noodles instead

You see my hubbie has no addiction to any early morning pick me ups so he laughs at my need for tea even though I have showed him countless research about the benefits of tea.. antioxidants and all that. The fact that I lace mine with condense milk and sugar is a minor deviation.

I have a cup of tea every morning before I say hello to anyone,
before I notice the sky whether it be grey, cloudy or sparkly blue

It is a priority to me...
without my cup of tea I am
like a lazy, energy less sloth that can barely manage out of bed much less get the children up and ready for school!

Oh well maybe I needed a break from caffeine and I will just have to curl up with the girls when they sleep because boy do I feel to SLEEP.

I was reading an older post from one of my daily reads by Joanna Goddard of a Cup of Jo and she did a series last year on the secrets to a happy marriage.

This post about Joslyn really stuck with me.
Her husband made her coffee every day, it reminded me of my mother and my stepfather...whose marriage can by no means be classified as happy or perfect, BUT the most positive thing that my mother would say of it was that my step-father made her a perfect cup of tea every morning with out fail before he went off to work. She would remember this wistfully and sigh.

It is the little things that soothe the soul and make you feel that glow of happy and contentment with your chosen other.

There are no questions to ask for the manual just a statement LOL

YES I DRINK TEA EVERYDAY !

What are your little priorities? Ok so I had to ask

Have you ever just wished you could have a discussion with your significant other that just involved listening and a few well intentioned
uh huhs,
oh no,
you said it girl and nothing else.

No plan of strategy to fix things
No well if I was you this is what I would do
No ... well I told you how to deal with this already
No ... this is what we will do

Just listening.

Hmmm now thinking of this as I like to do it hit me... why then can't we preempt a conversation that you know is just about listening, venting, chatting by handing over a card that says :


So the poor hubbie knows in advance his role in the conversation.
Do you think that would be a bit rude?
Maybe
But I think that it would make for a more peaceful existence between the two parties. Because there will be no incidences that could lead to fighting!

Well that is what I am thinking...
What say you?!

Happy Father's Day

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
John Mayer

I have always said that who ever I go out with had
to treat me in a manner that
my father had me accustomed or better.

I have been fortunate to be blessed with
a really sweet,loving supportive father.
He, of course is the first man:
to tell me he loved me,
drive with me at the wheel
(he taught me how to drive)
to dance with me
to buy me an alcoholic drink (you should
know what alcohol taste like)
to take me to dinner (learned manners and
 good eating etiquette)
to buy me jewellry
and to tell me no. :)

This 'no' was his way to motive me to do
it on my own and that I did!
I love my Father and am so blessed to have him in my life.

As I watch my husband with 'his' children. I am seeing -
the same qualities and it makes me smile because I think
that my girls can easily say that they
need to be treated as good as or better than
their father treated them.

Happy Father's Day!

World Cup/NBA Finals/WSuperBowl Widow

A friend of mine recently posted on her facebook page that she will miss her husband:

Farewell beloved husband! The children and I will miss u...c u nxt month(World Cup u better be worth it!!) signed World Cup Widow and her kids!

I laughed... simply because this was a fact that I accepted about my husband as well. If the World cup is on (and it comes only every four years) there is no couples time unless it means me sitting watching the matches as well. Luckily for us I do get into the World Cup fever and it doesn't cause any issues.

My husband is also an avid American Football fan and there is definitely no talking then just football. I am not that much of a fan.

I guess this is called accepting the good with the bad LOL.

My advice to anyone who has a significant other who may have an inkling of an interest in sport
take it seriously and know that it is not going to go away it is here to stay and the intensity is sure to grow with time.

I thought I would share this letter with you it is of course done in the spirit of The FIFA World Cup but you can interject the SuperBowl, PGA, NBA Finals you name it:


FIFA World Cup Rules (for wife/girlfriend/SO etc)

Dear Wife/Sweetheart/Girl Friend/Partner/whomever it may concern,
1. Between 11 June and 11 July 2010, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World of Soccer, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don’t mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me.

4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out off your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell on the floor....It won't happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on (excluding your body parts), and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

6. Please, please, please!! If you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, it's only a game", or "don’t worry, they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break up or divorce.

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the half time score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one" game; hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse too "spend time together".

8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again, many times.

9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go,
and
c) I will not go.

10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this...why don’t you change the channel to something we can all watch?" because, the reply will l be, "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".

12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank Good the World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because before and after this comes the Champions League, Premier League, Italian League, Spanish League, KPL, FAA Cup, Euro Cup, etc. P/S

By the way if you get stuck on the road, call the Police or AAA.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Who is it most important to?

I have been thinking about the following statement:

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
Erma Bombeck

And it made me think of a comment my mother made in the early days of my marriage.
I must have been grumbling about the dishes, the bed, the place being strewn with clothes, dust... who knows all I remember at times I felt as if I was married to a teenager and I was venting to my mother!

Her response to my vent was 'Well honey if it is that important to you then why worry about whether he does it or not... you do it. It is making you miserable to see it, not him so just wash those dishes and forget about it!'

What.... just do it for yourself? That can not be the answer! He needs to help, how can all this MESS not bug him?

BUT she was right as all mothers are :)

Because in the end the only person that was getting all hetted and sweaty over the issue was me. I mean hello this is the guy that was home alone for two weeks ( I was visiting my family with the children) and not one dish was left unused or in the cupboard. They were all very intimate with the sink and all manners of stale food and when those dishes were finished he simply ordered take-out!

So now I find that if I have asked for the hubbie to do something and it isn't done I simply just wait a few and do it myself OR it just may not get done until I am good and ready.

So maybe I have adopted Erma's theory and didn't even realize it. Well look at that!

The question to ask may be
Are you open to doing it yourself?
Can you just leave it until later?

A little humour thanks to Erma

I wish I could be as easy about things as this quote from Erma:
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
Erma Bombeck



This however is my motto:
If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.
Erma Bombeck

Have a great night

In an ideal world...

This is what the split would look like:

Garbage goes out every Sunday night!- hubbie
no prompting no cajoling

I cook dinner/breakfast/lunch/snack/: you wash dishes
you cook dinner/breakfast/lunch/snack: I wash dishes

The last person to empty the ice tray/filter jug/milk carton should replace
guilty of the milk carton though the rest not so much

Feeding of the dog: me
once a week you could offer- hubbie

If I have two children: you have two children
( we have four) lets share the duty

Homework! We get it everyday
You take one older child : I take one older child

The last person to get out of the bed should straighten the bed
hmmm

The person with the least sleep at night should get an extra hour to sleep in
Sometimes that could be me :)

Just scraping along the surface with this one.
What would your ideal world be?

Moving family in...

As I watch this man I call Daddy
walk around in his underwear
I see a man oblivious of the fact that he is no longer in his own space and
also a man comfortable in his own skin.

My father is visiting! Been here one week already
He is getting older well it is a only natural right. No matter how much I try to brainwash myself to the contrary he is aging and getting grayer and unfortunately a little off- balanced. He is going to 76 this year ( For some reason he keeps mistakenly saying 26) and with all things considered he is really aging great his brain is still sharp as a whip and he looks good.

But it made me think of the question that few of us think to consider before you get married.
What will you do when your parents become too old to take care of themselves.

If you are from a large family would you be the one to take in your mother, your father?
Do you expect to be responsible for both pairs of in-laws?
Are you pro 'old age' home or anti?

We never discussed this before marriage, but it seemed only natural that we would be responsible for my father-in-law when my sister-in-law moved to live in the cold regions of Canada. So now he lives in the adjoining apartment of his house and we moved into the main house.

Having a parent live with you brings with it a whole lot of interesting experiences some heartwarming, others...... not so much.
you know like the underwear parading father!

HELLO!!!!

Just thought I would say hello...

HELLO!!

mind you it echoed back to me!
It sure is quiet here! feel as if I am yelling over a canyon
is there anyone out there?
hmmm nope only the crickets

Lucky for me I am not taking it personally!!

LOL

Adding to it all

I like perusing through 'Shine' an affiliate site of Yahoo!'s.
Recently, I have been finding topics that add some meat to some of my posts so I am going to link to them

To go along with my Children?! post you could read this

And

To go along with Kiss me dammit you could read this.
I especially think this part is worthy of trying

IF YOU HAVE A MINUTE… This is from a great article in the current Scientific American Mind by Robert Epstein (do it with your guy): Embrace each other gently and gradually synchronize your breathing with his. Just stand there inhaling and exhaling together, as if you were one being. A minute or two of this, apparently, lowers your inhibitions—and that can help people bond.

Sounds cool right! Try it I say.

Having a bit of a block so been seeking inspiration to help form the words mulling around in my head that are refusing to take shape.
Keep good!
What do you think of the questions raised in the two articles?

What did you call me?!

Dean of 'Tori and Dean' makes a habit of calling Tori Spelling- Momma.
She seems to like it and she answers to it!
My husband calls me Mummy sometimes.
It drives me nutty.
Sometimes I answer to it ....
But most times it is as if he didn't speak.

In all fairness he started calling me Mummy when the children started calling me Daddy. It was a form of reinforcement to the children that I was Mummy and not Daddy.
Yes I was Daddy to my older children for the first two to three years of their life LOL.
And it stuck in his mind.
But every time he calls me that I always have to bite my tongue because I want to tell him that "I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER!!!"

I wonder if other woman have that issue. Hmmm
I am sure! There are so many men that call their wives Mother, Mummy, Momma that there must be one or two that just answers because it is their name after all.

So the question for this would be:
Would you still love me if I call you Mummy?
Would you still love me if I call you Daddy?
What nicknames are acceptable?

Hope you are enjoying your weekend!

Sharing

I came across this site and felt the need to share their views on marriage.

Strong and vital marriages have things in common:

1. These couples know individually who they are - sons and daughters of God. They set eternal goals...

2. They know the doctrine and eternal blessings of the temple ordinances and covenants

3. They choose blessings of the kingdom of God rather than the temporary possessions of the world

4. They realize they have chosen an eternal companion - their days for courting are over

5. These couples think of one another before themselves. Selfishness suffocates spiritual senses.

6. They communicate with the Lord and prayer and they converse with each other. They talk early about "little hurts" with little fear of offending. They are willing to apologize and ask forgiveness. They express their love.

Sounds about right to me!

Children?!

This is a weighted question if ever there was one:
I want children do you?

Before you get married this question needs to be addressed in great detail. Well at least I think so.
Most people are afraid of this one, simply because children change everything.
A child = huge responsibility!
Not many of us are ready for it. And to be blunt some of us are just not fans of children.

I have a long time family friend who is going to end it with his girlfriend because she has no intention of ever having children and he wants! In particular he wants sons to carry on his family name!
So you can see the requirements that his chosen wife will have to fulfill not only must she love children, but she must bear a son! Not just any child but a son because he is the last of his 'clan' and his name will die with him if there is no son to carry it on.

Loving children or being good with children doesn't necessarily equate that same person will actually want children. A couple friend of mine are like that they are fabulous with children and love playing with them and being with them... BUT they also love that they can hand the children over to their parents. Before they got married they made a decision not to have children. I was shocked because as I said they are great with children and I think they would be fabulous parents. But you have to give it to them to have broached this subject and made a decision no matter how strange it may be.

My husband who is a fabulous father actually doesn't like children much.... let me clarify children who are not his own LOL. Actually I think if we didn't have any he would have been just as cool with that option too.
He is just not a baby person and he really was not much help for the first year of both of our older children. Once they started walking he became more involved. With the twins well he had no choice but to get involved with them and even gasp changing a diaper or ten!!

It is only once you go through the baby stage that you know exactly what you need from each other... but it couldn't hurt to broach the possible expectations once you decide to have a baby/babies/children.

Here are some of my suggestions:

Know that the sex of a child is not something that you can order...well at least not yet!
Night waking should it be alternated?
How about you bring the baby to me and I feed!
Would you be waking up for all? Can you do at least one diaper change a day?
Know that I am as grossed out by puke up, diarrhea, baby diapers as you are!
So I will need help , Will you help me!

I actually never thought I wanted to have children.. the idea of children has always stressed me out I worried about falling down, bruises, tears, hospital visits. I had my first child and I realized that those fears are well- founded LOL, but I have not looked back and enjoy everyone of them. I do miss my weekends though but that is the sacrifice I made.

You may be thinking what a strange post... considering today my girls celebrate their first birthday!
What can I say they made me think!

Happy Birthday my sweet sweet Love and Joy :)