A few things...

Ha! I get another post in before January 2012 runs off into history.

I have been thinking about this alot especially after watching the dissolve of Kim K. and Kris H. marriage unfold on Kourtney and Kim take New York ( yes yes I know I watch it.)

Here are a  few things I have learned from watching this season of Kourtney and Kim Take New York.

It struck me while watching it that the biggest mistake anyone can bring to a marriage or a relationship is not accepting the person that you are with for who they REALLY are.

I am always amazed by people who meet their respective significant other in a party and through out their relationship party hard together and then once married or seriously committed expect the person to change and give up a partying life. Or in Kris Humps case grumping because Kim is living her life for the cameras. Didn't he meet her while she was living life in front of a camera stage or not? And can he seriously be upset because she wouldn't move to Minnesota why would he even think that is possible I don't even know her and I know that was never going to happen. Moving from city life to country life is hard for anyone even those who willingly want it.

Sigh but really no matter how many time it is said that you shouldn't go into a relationship with the hope that the other person would change people will still do it and people will just have their expectations dashed.

Oh another thing that I got from Kim K and Kris Hump is that you have to meet the other person half way. COMPRISE is very very important in a marriage and a relationship. Kim being ridiculously shallow and self centred coupled with Kris Hump's stubborn-headed spoil brat behaviour was from the start to me a recipe for disaster. They both never seem to want to give into the other it was always a power struggle. If no one gives in ever then you are in trouble. As evident by those two.

Oh well so I guess the lessons learned are:

• Don't expect a person to change because you want it
• Accept a person for who they are and decide if you are willing to be with that person as if ( if they do change it should be because they want)
• Compromise is key

Thank you for humouring me as I vent about my favourite guilty pleasure. :D
Have a great week all!

Hello! Hello!

You want to know what is a hell of a test on a marriage?
Sharing a computer!
Yup that has been my life for the last few weeks.
My sweet hubster had decided to work at home forgoing the two computers he has at his office to work here on my computer!!!
As much as I love having the hubster around it was a bit.... uhm ... kinda... uhm okay I'll say it annoying I wanted to use my computer.
LoL luckily no arguments erupted or did a rogue stapler suddenly sprout wings and hurtle itself at the hubbie's head. No it was all good because hey it was Christmas and New Years so new thing, new attitudes.
Oh by the by

HAPPY NEW YEAR my PeePs

Yes yes I know the 2012  is all of 19 days old already but it is still a pup :D

If there were one thing that I would wish for everyone this year is that they communicate more.

So my word for the year is

Have a good one.

Merry Merry

Wishing you a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Seasons Greeting, Happy Hannukah, 

& Happy Kwanzaa  too.

Giving Thanks

Well I have been MIA (missing in action) because well
1st school has been stressing me, not my children but ME, homework is no fun mark my words.
and
2nd I decided to join in the NANOWRIMO challenge to write a novel in a month. I always said I wanted to write a book or two so I figured why not try this. It has been an interesting time consuming experience.
I have learned a few things about myself in taking on this challenge and one of them is....
Boy do I have an imagination,
You can fall in love with your characters
and
I am not ready for guerilla writing and have just resigned to the fact that I will not be winning the challenge. Oh well still intend to finish the novel whether it is readable or not. LOL

So long and short not really able to blog as much as I would like to.

Seeing that this is Thankgiving weekend for my USA friends I am sure many of you are stuffed full of turkey  and most definitely all shopped out.


Naturally it is not Thanksgiving where I am but it is important to be thankful at all times.

So Giving thanks for
a wonderfully happy, mostly healthy family (hubbie and children)
smiles and spontaneous laughter
friends new and old
and a wonderful supportive extended family
a house with a roof and a dog to run around the yard
and the people that read this blog that's you
and the time to blog because I love it.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend may it be restful!

the Wedding is not the Marriage

I am so disappointed ...
I was going to write a post about Kim Kardashian's Fantasy wedding. I had just seen it's repeat for the 5th time and then I watched an episode of 4 weddings on TLC and the resounding thought in my head was people need to not get too carried away with the wedding.

Watching the two shows I couldn't help but wonder if anyone remembers that the wedding is not the same as the marriage. That the wedding  day though exciting is just a that a day. The marriage is supposed to be for a lifetime. 
Sigh but alas I got this post out too late because Kim K and Kris H have alledgedly filed for divorce. Sad.
Yes I am a fan of the reality show and I like all the girls especially loud mouth Khloe. She is my fav.
Anyway let this be a reminder to all that marriage is not about the wedding, the party or the food or how could I forget the dress... it is about the commitment of two people to each other.

Have a Happy Halloween!

What are you dressing as?
We don't partake in it here but I love to see the creative costume.
Be safe!

The agreement- be inspired

 I know most of us have gotten this as an email once or twice or maybe three times but I figured I would share it again because it highlights how easy it is to fail in a marriage once you stop communicating and being intimate with each other. (sorry that it is kind of long)
My brain has been in overload recently so feeling thankful for interesting emails and Facebook posts.

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

Be inspired

Still reeling from the reality that is death. Saw this on Facebook and I thought it perfect for those days when you are just not sure.