I want children do you?
Before you get married this question needs to be addressed in great detail. Well at least I think so.
Most people are afraid of this one, simply because children change everything.
A child = huge responsibility!
Not many of us are ready for it. And to be blunt some of us are just not fans of children.
I have a long time family friend who is going to end it with his girlfriend because she has no intention of ever having children and he wants! In particular he wants sons to carry on his family name!
So you can see the requirements that his chosen wife will have to fulfill not only must she love children, but she must bear a son! Not just any child but a son because he is the last of his 'clan' and his name will die with him if there is no son to carry it on.
Loving children or being good with children doesn't necessarily equate that same person will actually want children. A couple friend of mine are like that they are fabulous with children and love playing with them and being with them... BUT they also love that they can hand the children over to their parents. Before they got married they made a decision not to have children. I was shocked because as I said they are great with children and I think they would be fabulous parents. But you have to give it to them to have broached this subject and made a decision no matter how strange it may be.
My husband who is a fabulous father actually doesn't like children much.... let me clarify children who are not his own LOL. Actually I think if we didn't have any he would have been just as cool with that option too.
He is just not a baby person and he really was not much help for the first year of both of our older children. Once they started walking he became more involved. With the twins well he had no choice but to get involved with them and even gasp changing a diaper or ten!!
It is only once you go through the baby stage that you know exactly what you need from each other... but it couldn't hurt to broach the possible expectations once you decide to have a baby/babies/children.
Here are some of my suggestions:
Know that the sex of a child is not something that you can order...well at least not yet!
Night waking should it be alternated?
How about you bring the baby to me and I feed!
Would you be waking up for all? Can you do at least one diaper change a day?
Know that I am as grossed out by puke up, diarrhea, baby diapers as you are!
So I will need help , Will you help me!
I actually never thought I wanted to have children.. the idea of children has always stressed me out I worried about falling down, bruises, tears, hospital visits. I had my first child and I realized that those fears are well- founded LOL, but I have not looked back and enjoy everyone of them. I do miss my weekends though but that is the sacrifice I made.
You may be thinking what a strange post... considering today my girls celebrate their first birthday!
What can I say they made me think!
Happy Birthday my sweet sweet Love and Joy :)
I have a child from a previous marriage.
ReplyDeleteI had a child when I was 18 and she is adopted. She is now almost 28. That was a long time ago now.
My husband and I tried to have children, had one miscarriage in 2001 months after our wedding. Have been unsuccessful in future attempts.
We have come to the realization that at our ages, 49 and 46, respectively, we are okay with the fact that it never happened for us.
We love our niece and nephews, but we love our lives, too.
After all this time, I have learned that we have lives that are meant to be lived and for us children just aren't in our future.
How is that for honest?
What beautiful children! Children are a blessing. If something seems too hard then you should probably do it, in this case having children!
ReplyDeleteYou may enjoy this:
http://vimeo.com/10536827
They're adorable. My twins are two and my oldest is four. We are collectively giving the term "a run for your money" new meaning, daily.
ReplyDeleteI agree. That being honest about your decision to have children is paramount!
But can those people who decided against children please understand that I decided to have children, not screaming fits in the grocery store with three crazies. So keep your dirty looks to yourself.
My husband wanted a boy -- same reason as your friend: he was the last man to carry on his family name. His father had only sisters and his father's father was an only child. I told him I was on board for 2 pregnancies in order to get our 2 kids for sure, maybe 3. (Twins run in my family... distantly, but I still warned him of the possibility!)
ReplyDeleteMy first full term pregnancy was terrible (i was SO sick) and after 4 months we found out why: twins. My husband said, "well as long as it's not both girls..." Sorry babe! Our girls were 6 months old when my husband reminded me that I said I'd do this twice. Damn. So when we got the OK from the doc, we went for it and 3 weeks later, I was sick as a dog, again. Yup, twins again. "As long as we get ONE boy out of it..." Sorry, babe! All girls! Right before the babies were born, he literally asked me again if we could consider another try to get that boy in a few years.
I kicked him in the nuts as hard as I could.
(OK... kidding.... I got myself "fixed" instead!)