Friday, October 29, 2010

Yes Dear

Do you ever find yourself just saying 'Yes Dear'

The hubster is moving his office.
No problem that is cool right!
Well the hubster is moving his office into our home for a month and scheduled it while he would also be in Miami on a trip!


Pretty sharp eh scheduling a move this Saturday and then leaving town.
And leaving his wife to 'deal with it'.
I thought it was genius... next time we move house I am going to leave town too LOL.

Between the two of us we fight to show which one hates  moving more and I guess I have to give it to him because when we moved house two years ago he was also MIA. That move was almost the end of us. LOL.... it was then that I came up with my good words backup.

This time I commented on his genius and the fact that not only would I be missing my class (which ordinarily wouldn't a big thing if I hadn't just planned a meeting for that class with my group) to which he said 'it's not always about you- Gayle... it has to be done! That is the day that the mover can do it'

And my response was 'Yes Dear!'
I could have gotten annoyed, well I was a bit miffed and I could have sulked, but hey I would still have to miss my class and I would still have to supervise the move.
No matter if I sulked or stormed so I chose to not react negatively and
I will ensure that the place is not 'cluttered' because that will bug me and then he would be slapped.
At least he dealt with the small stuff. That is a huge positive.
I also saw a look of being overwhelmed by the situation so with those two little words I made a decision to give support rather than grief.

Do you ever find yourself simply saying YES DEAR ! sometimes?
Do you make a habit of seeing the positive? (what can I say I am a chronic Pollyanna)

Monday, October 25, 2010

I appreciate you!

Now this topic is a little hard for me
well because I am still fighting it! LOL

In all the couples advice available you would surely find the line
Be sure to thank your spouse!
Show him that you appreciate when he does something so that he feels good about it and continues to do it!

My response has always been (mentally)
Why do I have to say thank you because
the hubbie has:
looked after the children...isn't that his job as well?
if he has cooked breakfast AND left behind a tornando style mess in the kitchen... shouldn't he be helping out anyway?
taken out the garbage or cuts the lawn...once again isn't that what he is supposed to do?

However it hit me yesterday that if I got off of my high horse and thought about it a minute everyone loves being appreciated.

Why this revelation?
Well the hubbie and the children took the time to mention that they were enjoying breakfast :)

They didn't have to do it but it sure made the tolling in the kitchen worth it!
Thinking back I remember a time my mother having a fit because no one mentioned how lovely her meal was.
We were all under the age of 11 so not one of us thought to mention it even though it did taste good albeit it did have onions in it which I happen to despise to this day.

So here is the thing,
we all like being praised, thanked and appreciated.
We love it when our hubbie tells us we are beautiful even though we know otherwise...geez pjs and morning hair are never a great combo.
We love when a meal is praised, appreciated and eaten all up.
We love it when you get a kiss for being the best Mummy ever!
 And all of those mentioned fall under things that 'you are supposed to do'.

So on the day that the hubbie is posturing for a trophy or an award after cleaning the kitchen for 'you'* (yeah that once in a blue moon time) be nice and be sure to say
THANK YOU and really be thankful.

*(ps now this is just an example because God knows the moon would have to be purple before my hubbie would help clean LOL)

Friday, October 22, 2010

Good Morning Sunshine!- la deuxième partie

Saying anything in French always makes things seem so much more romantic.
la deuxième partie meaning part 2
(for those of us that are not remotely bilingual)

Anyway  the best way to combat the grumpys and possibly eliminate it all together is by taking control of the situation.

My two favourite solutions come from two unlikely sources.

The first comes from Joyce Meyer 
Charismatic Christian author and speaker:

Before you actually get out of the bed you should roll into a hug with your significant other. Release your self into the hug and presto you both are off to a good start.
Joyce and her hubby starts off their day this way.
I made a point of doing this for 1 week straight and I have to say it really did make a difference to the grumpy level in the morning.
You should definitely try it. - Hugs

The second comes from one of the contributors to 
'Chicken Soup for the Christian Soul2' . 

This trick is to put out a positive outlook to the day by saying these two simple phrases:
'I love you... today is going to be a Great Day!'
The writer said it  every Sunday to her entire family to help motivate her family to get ready and reach to church without any fuss or grumpyness or dragging of feet.
I decided to try it with my hubbie and my family and I have to say that there is something to saying positive words aloud.
It is almost like putting up a positivity shield around everyone.
Everytime I say these words to the hubbie he smiles.
And you know that is all that is what it is for!

So remember give a hug then say I love... today is going to be a Great Day!

Have a great weekend!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Must I do everything around here!?

 'must I do everything around here'- my husband's favourite line.

I do believe he says that just to get under my skin
I think he likes to see the hairs on my neck rise up at attention and the vein on my head strain as I practice biting my tongue.
like most thing in our marriage I let it slide
Because really is it necessary to hit him with the frying pan because he said something idiotic...
no it is not because at the end of it all it would be me tending to the bruise!
like I need more things to take care of! LOL
 (for the record I don't believe in violence)

In the beginning of our marriage it would bug me more because I was working full time, dealing with the extra-curriculars of both children and making sure everything in the house was in order. He on the other hand was working for himself- 'exploring his options' ( he is a self taught web designer and innovator) and trying his hand on volunteer coaching. Yeah it would bug me a whole lot then.

I went away for a week one time and it provoked him into saying that I left him to take care of his life and my life. If I didn't know how stressed he was!. huh?!
My life being the children and everything else; his life being just him.
I could have throttled him.

Instead I did what I always do I tried to put myself in his shoes and I was able to rationalize that he did indeed have his role.
I may have been the more stable breadwinner
he was responsible for getting those bills paid; for doing the budget and making sure we stayed on it; for keeping gas in the car, oh and that the car stayed 'healthy'; and for any thing that involved a form or a document.
hmmm he did have a lot on his plate!

Time happened  we added more children to the family and my pregnancies though easy enough and uneventful usually start off with a dire warning of 'don't lift anything but your elbow' and he did take more and then I got pregnant with the twins and he basically took everything on because I was so pained up and tired ALL the time!
He did the groceries
picked up the children
bought me nutritious not always delicious meals but always good for me and my growing belly for breakfast and lunch
was responsible for bathing the children- bathing children is so taxing I would be a wreck each time or is it just my children LOL
and he also had taken on his father's business with a whole can of stress.
All of this on top of what he used to do before!
I really gained an appreciation for him through this third pregnancy. My hero.

Even now that things have gotten less chaotic with me bodywise he still takes responsibilty for the groceries and he bathes/supervises the older children... what a relief!
So now when he say must i do everything around here?! I say yes and smile because he may not do everything but it is pretty darn close.

Alisa Bowman of Project Happily Ever After said this:
many spouses probably walk around with this simmering resentment about their partners who seemingly do so little around the house. Little do they know that their partners have the same resentment about them. Fascinating, right?
And I knew this was true for us at least, because this was a topic I had been piecing together to share here and saw that she was tackling the same issue there.

So I suggest you read her post ( I like how she breaks down the division and allocation of tasks) then think about what exactly it means when you or the significant other shouts

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

9 Things Every Couple Must do!

I stumbled onto the Bucket List Journey by Annette Renee White recently! 
'Cause that is what I do I blog walk, stroll and at times stumble. 
Stumble meaning that I basically clicked on a link which led me to another link and then bam I am on a cool site... I am somewhat addicted :) 
Oh I digress...
I stumbled onto her blog and fell in love with her concept because I as you know recently put together my own bucket list of sorts. See here!
Imagine an entire space dedicated to carrying out your bucket list so cool!
 And she wrote this and of course I had to share it with you so with out further ado I reblog :

Bucket List for Couples {9 Things Every Couple Must Do}

A couples relationship should be filled with experiences that create wonderful memories, bring them closer together and non-verbally say "I love you". Here are nine ways to start designing your life together.
1. Couples Massage
A couples massage is one of the hottest treatments at luxury spas all over the world. What could be more romantic than lying side-by-side with your significant other in the most relaxing environment?
2. Write a Love Letter
Let's bring it back to old school; the days where letters were handwritten, sealed with a kiss and mailed at the post office. Love letters are a physical memory that will last a lifetime.
3.Cook Dinner Together
Food and romance have be linked throughout history, mix in some intriguing conversation and you have the best date night ever. The dishes that you create on this night will become a significant part of celebrating other events in your lifetime.
3. Have a Picnic
Break out the old picnic basket, pack your favorite bottle of wine, pick a secluded outdoor getaway and create a memory.
4. Stay up all Night, Laughing
There are many reasons that we stay up all night, how many of them include just laughing?
5. Sing a Karaoke Duet
12 years ago, my husband and I sang "Summer Nights" from Grease at a local Karaoke club. Though the musicality left much to be desired and they actually turned the volume down on my microphone, it is an experience that we still talk about.
6. Carve your Names into a Tree
I typically would not recommend defacing a living object, but in the name of Bucket Lists I will have to break this rule.
7. Dress up for Halloween
Fairy tales can come true, at least on Halloween. What could bring a couple closer together than looking completely ridiculous as a team?
8. Kiss on Top of the Ferris Wheel
Some of the most romantic movies feature a smooch on the tippy-top of the Ferris Wheel.
9. Watch the sunset & rise in one day
You might be able to complete this one as well as, #3 {Have a Picnic} & #4 {Stay Up All Night, Laughing} all in one day! Now that's the ultimate in multi-tasking.
Annette with her honey

Hope it inspired you as it did me.
I love #4 have to try it

Friday, October 8, 2010

Do you fight good?

As in any relationship my husband and I have been having some ups and some downs.
Recently we have been more down than up but that is how it is sometimes right!
Once again we had a spat.
One that has me annoyed, so annoyed that I am committing one of the grievious sins of marital bliss.
I am not talking.
I have actually been SILENT for a week.
YES I know I am being passive aggressive,
sigh but I know if I talk I may not like what comes out of my mouth
because I am still working on how I deliver my words so that they build up rather than break down. Need lots of work!

Right now however we are employing something that Corey of a Simple Marriage calls Unfair Fighting.
Hmmm yeah we do not fight fair the past always creeps in and then we get grumpy. Corey says this about unfair fighting:
Unfair fighting. While disagreements and arguments are bound to happen, it’s vital to stay on topic in the discussion. Bringing up all your partner’s faults and failings doesn’t help the situation. Neither does raising your voice. As my grandfather would say, anytime a person raises their voice in a conversation, it’s about power and pride.
 I did some more searching and I found an article on  is  'Quarrelling Healthy in Marriages?'
The last two paragraphs to me is most relevant to this post.. so I will end it with that--

It is dangerous to belittle your partner or mention his weaknesses during a quarrel. In some people’s tantrum, they say things that hurt their mate so much only to regret saying them later. A quarrel is constructive when the partners discuss the issues of disagreement and learn to communicate with each other.

A quarrel should purge your mind of your earlier tensions, resentments, fears and anxieties. No two people can live for years without some problems, conflicts and pains. Therefore quarreling is healthy.

May your weekend be quarrel free but if it isn't be sure to keep it healthy !

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Just wondering...

Free Clipart Images
They say that a girl usually runs off and finds a guy that is unerringly like her father or most unlike her father and then marries him.
And a guy definitely goes seeking his mother!
Did you do that?

I didn't do that I went off and looked for the guy that is the most like my mother and married him.
Well not on purpose it just happened that way.
Isn't that strange? Well I think it is strange
I think it is because I lived with my mother more than with my father.They have been divorced since I was three.

My mother is strong, opinionated, interfering, agrumentative, generous, supportive, giving  and a totally awesome individual.
Just like my husband.
luckily they get along... but the hubbie can only be with her for small amounts of time. LOL

By the way my dad is the sweetest man ever.

The hubster actually found his mother. It is actually quite eerie.
My mother in law and I  kinda look alike, so much so when we go out together and she introduces me as her daughter -in- law, people only hear the daughter part and believe it. She is shorter though and much more chesty .
We also think alike which drives him nutty LOL so when she is around I just let her speak because she would say what I am thinking and he never gets testy with her.

So who did you go looking for when you went looking for you significant other?
Or should I say who did you find?

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

A piece of the housework pie...

especially weekends,
when the lion's share of the family work falls on me I find myself getting grumbly  and grumpy.
Why can't I just chill?
Why do I have to do the homework? Can't you see that mess that the children are making?
Why can't I get some help over here? Yes you dude the one lounging on the couch vegging on football!
Why do I feel like a single parent?


To combat this grumpiness I have recently started thinking about those women or men who are married to or together with someone in the army and stationed overseas, or to pilots who fly the foreign skies or even doctor, firefighters or policemen.

These men/women are very rarely home and I could be wrong but I feel that their significant others wouldn't waste their time grumbling about the share of work once their hubbies were home.

My brother-in-law is a commercial pilot and I know his wife doesn't grumble she just gets it done... because at the end of it all the time they have together is so much more important.
I wonder if I could be so even about doing everything like a single parent but not really.

So I remind myself of these people on those days that I am grumping about feeling like I do all the work and murmuring that if feels as if I was a single parent. Because some people have no choice but to do it all themselves even though they are couple. Oh and now I am thinking about those persons tending to a sick partner as well as keeping the household going! They really have to do it almost alone so I guess i will definitely stop grumping now :)

What coping techniques do you have to keep sane? Or should I say less grumpy?
Does it involve brownies? or cupcakes?

( I know I know the picture of the pie has nothing to do with the post but I just like pumpkin pie!)