Thursday, May 27, 2010

People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.
Erma Bombeck

I loved Erma Bombeck humour and I am reminded of many of her lines in my marriage so I will share a few of her quotes from time to time!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Stay at home....

When the time comes would you be okay if I 'stay at home'?

This question was never one I ever seriously considered.

Growing up in a single parent household with my mum in charge, it was only natural to me that I would grow up and join the workforce and if children came then I would tend to them and head back into the workforce again.

Then I had my first child and the thought of leaving him to anyone's care seemed impossible.
But between my husband I, I had the steady income so I worked for a bit. Then gave up the ghost of working full time after my daughter was born two years after my son and then tried balancing both work and motherhood with work tipping the scales to it's side too many times that I gave up the ghost. With the birth of the twins last year working for someone is no longer possible.

So I stay at home.

I don't miss the struggle to balance work and children... I do miss the paycheck and dressing up and leaving the house but that is a different matter.

I am not sure how the conversation came about, but before the children my husband made it clear that he was not enamored with the whole stay at home idea... he thought everyone should pull their weight and help pay the bills. Which as I stated before didn't bother me because I believe in working.

But life has a way of shaking up your concepts and beliefs.

My husband actually found himself in the position albeit reluctantly of being the stay at home person... well he worked for himself at home which means he was responsible for my son until the sitter came in to look at my son.

Society is a whole lot more tolerant of a stay at home mum than it is of a stay at home dad. We are still under the old 'rulings' that man is responsible for the bacon and woman takes care of all things in the house including the children.

A man staying at home to take care of the children is sometimes frowned on because the man is not considered man enough. And this thought can even be harboured by his wife who all of a sudden is 'left' with the pressure of getting those bills paid. And not liking it. Pretty much how some men feel about the whole stay at home thing.

The decision to stay at home should be one that both of you understand and agree on. You need to know if it is a lifetime decision or whether it is just for a period say until the children are in school or if a good can't turn it down money paying position occurs.

My husband view on me being a stay at home mum changed not because of his stint as one, but because of the children. Well we both changed our view on it. We both decided to sacrifice the money so that our children would have one of us there with them. Because there is nothing worse than seeing your children stagnate because you are not around.

So this is an important discussion that needs to happen when you first start off because you would need to know how to deal with it once the situation presents itself.

However, as with all things what you may decide in the beginning is always always subject to change. 'Cause the woman gungho to stay at home before the child/children arrive. Can decide that sanity can only be achieved if she leaves the house from 9-5!

So what say you?
Should you stay at home?

Monday, May 24, 2010

Hopefully a short blip in transmission

Jamaica the land of sun, sand, sea and reggae
does an about turn and highlights it's other side
Bring on the crime, violence and unnecessary silliness!

This weekend my family went off on a relaxing sun-soaked weekend to Ocho Rios just 2 and half hours away from Kingston where we live. We left a slightly damp Kingston and indulged in a much needed albeit short break from the busyness of our life... ok my life.
There was lots of
beauty all around
and sea breeze a plenty.
The children were happy, sun-drenched water-logged :)

Return to Kingston and find our city in a STATE OF EMERGENCY with gunshots and grenades being exchanged between the police and criminal insurgents at almost every corner.
The scary thing is I am not even being over dramatic well maybe the every corner thing. When we were heading in from Ocho Rios all the stories coming in were particularly dire and almost made us turn back.
Fortunately for my family and my friends our corner has not been hit by the violence and gun display.
We are safe.... locked firmly behind closed doors! And not venturing out again until we get the go ahead!

So I breathe a sigh of relief for a second,
but as I do that I have to say a huge prayer for the country and for those people who are not so lucky and are no longer safe in their homes just because of location.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

I rise with the sun do you?

You know that whole thing about opposites attracting and all that... well I think it applies to your sleeping patterns as well. You can find yourself in some deep water if you or your spouse is a early riser and the other is not!

I say this because I have wanted to clobber my sleeping husband with a pillow so many times because he was indulging in a seemingly glorious sleep-in until noon while I who have been up from six in the am is ready to do something and can't get him up!

Ok take a breathe.

It only bothers me a little bit now. I guess I am too busy now in the morning because all of my children are early risers... earlier than I am.

But in the beginning a whole different story...
I have never been able to sleep past nine even if I went out partying all night and got in at 6. Pop opens my eyes and I am AWAKE by nine. So as such I do all my chores, errands, activities early because if it is done or in process by noon then the day is shot.
My husband... the eternal teenager as I jokingly call him sometimes will happily sleep the day away.
And I with my expectations of Saturdays spending lovely weekends together strolling on the beach, lunching at some fabulous bistro/restaurant/cafe. Sundays reading the Sunday newspaper together before going off to church then finishing off the morning with a lovely brunch either back home or somewhere tasty. Would find my irritation rising as I realized that I should have known better because I knew that he was an owl and owls don't sleep at night they sleep during the day.
I took the better part of six years to reconcile that weekends as I envisioned it will never be that way. I may get a touch of it some time but this will always a once in blue moon event. LOL

Strangely enough this was never a topic to fight over it was just a source of great irritation to me and eventually a mind shift for me and changing of expectations to achieve a happy mental medium because the way I rationalized it you need sleep to grow right :)

But definitely a topic that I should have broached in the beginning. Probably would have eased a whole lot of unnecessary irritations.

So I rise with the sun do you?
I love sleeping the weekend away?
Does either bother you?

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

My husband knows my size!

Well he does most times.

I have changed a bit in my dimensions now I used to be medium on top and small on the bottom, now I am small on top and small on the bottom... blame it on breast feeding... I do.

I have never been big on shopping and strangely enough he is gets a kick-out of it. Yeah I know you are probably thinking metro-sexual or of that sort, but no he just has good taste, kind of have an idea of my taste and loves a bargain.

So my husband does the clothes shopping... mind you some of my outfits are a little bit shorter, a little bit more fitted than I would normally have chosen for myself, but they always look good on.
I on the other hand am not that sure what his measurements are and I am still trying to figure out his style... how about that for a reversal of roles.

Knowing the size and preference of style that your spouse or significant other has is important if only because it makes gift giving that much easier.

I had a friend a size med/lge whose husband gave her a birthday gift of a very beautiful little black dress. She loved it except for the fact that it was a small. Fortunately for her husband she thought it was sweet that her husband thought she was that small. Not sure if I would be so cool about that mix-up, because it leads to the question 'how could he not know'?

Me on the other hand alway miss the target when I buy my husband a nice shirt or a nice pair of pants because his style is way more conservative than my style for him. (Insert the question of the last paragraph here :)) So instead I find myself just giving cool electronic gifts for those special occasions. And to be honest there is really nothing wrong with that either.

So the questions that we need to know and would definitely come in handy on the Newlywed Game:
What is/are your favourite colour/s?
What is your shoe size?
What size dress do you wear, shirt, pants?

Being aware always that life happens and these dimensions may go up and down without notice.

Friday, May 14, 2010

The Power of the Written Word

Do you write love notes?

Recently I have had the pleasure of meeting this wonderful young-in-love Christian couple. They actually get married this month.
Wonderful, very sweet couple whose love for God and each other shined through and at times was blinding :)

They share a journal.
Especially when they are going to spend time away from each other

In it they share their thoughts, concerns, their love name it it goes into that book. This tool works to keep them truly focused on their relationship.

What a novel concept sharing your thoughts in writing with someone you love.

But if a journal is a bit extreme how about on occasion writing a note to your significant other saying how you feel or in this age of the internet even send an email.
I found a few printouts of email exchanges that I had with my husband when we were first dating and it was like a jolt to the relationship the reminder of how we felt when we started
Why do we stop the cards, the notes the communication. I don't know but it is tool that couples should use. A simple little one liner is sufficient I LOVE YOU
I Love You

Thursday, May 13, 2010

What do you sleep in?

I know strange question to ask.

But this is a topic that always come to mind for me when I think sleeping wear. I am a t-shirt girl. The bigger, the whiter, the more worn the better. Sometimes paired with a nice boxer and that's it.

In the beginning of my marriage my mother after visiting with us was appalled by my choice of sleepwear and sat me down and read me the riot act about the need to give my marriage some attention, get rid of those t-shirts and get some better looking lingerie type garments.
So not the type of conversation you want to be having with your mother!

Of course I had to respond that I didn't have any problems getting some action going on if that is what she was referring to. And I wasn't being facetious I just knew I am not a sexy lingerie wearing to illicit action type of girl. I have tried, but my husband thought it was funny and laughed at me although as you know laughter is a good thing, and I am sure the laughter was more because of my discomfort of being on show than the lingerie itself. Which is so odd considering which female can't rock a bra and panties. The answer is we all can. But call it lingerie and out come a huge dose of bashfulness. Anyway I digress. Chatting with my husband well really my then boyfriend I found out that while he would have enjoyed a show or game if presented to him it wasn't something that he needed and he was in a fan of my t-shirts :) Isn't he sweet.

However, if he had said differently I guess I am sure I would have gotten myself to a point where it would be like rocking my undies.

So what say you sexy lingerie or comfy white t's.?

Saturday, May 8, 2010

A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. ~Tenneva Jordan

This saying reminds me of my mother. She always did this when we were growing up and I am surprised that I find myself doing it to this day. I love my Mother.

Mother's day is a day I always enjoy not for what I receive but for what I have. I enjoy marvelling on the beauty of my babies. This year is even more special because my two are now a solid four. The fact that God thinks me worthy to take care of his children is awesome to me. I am thankful

Happiness is being sandwiched between all four of them and stealing an extra half hour of sleep. I am blessed.

Have a great day. Happy Mother's day

Friday, May 7, 2010

A list of good words only

I read some where, can't remember where, that you should never discuss your spouse or your relationship with anyone else because that could lead to disrespect.

And I found this to be true I may be pissed with my husband and want to vent on him to friends and family- for him leaving his socks laying around or because I am tripping on his gigantic shoes for example, but it doesn't sound so pretty when it is repeated back to me as a man who is lazy and untidy. You open your relationship up to scrutiny that only you should have it under.

So I have to say now I keep my relationship cards close to my heart yes keeping it upbeat and positive even here ;)

Another thing that is important is how you refer to your spouse. If you constantly have him in your mind as deadbeat, lazy, good for nothing, selfish, self-centered... insert your own words ... then you will say as much to family, friends, co-workers, your children. And he/she just may really become all of those things. So this needs to be stopped

I am always awed by the people that make a conscious effort to emphasis the wonderfulness of their spouse. Talking about how good looking they are, thoughtful, sharing, blessed. So I tried it focusing especially on the positives and not so much on the negatives of the person and I was amazed that I didn't see the silly things that annoyed because I was too busy focusing on the good things that were there as well.

Of course we all have negatives we are human after but if we are to have fulfilling long lasting relationships maybe it will do us good to shine a light on the positives.

So things I am reminded of when I am looking for the good in my spouse:

Boy is he full of a generous spirit
Wonderful father
just plain wonderful

I keep this list near by so that when I feel my collar getting hot because he is being oblivious of the time and we ARE late I don't get mad I remember.

What would you put on your list... the beauty of this list if you work it right this list can keep growing and growing.
(ps have a good weekend)

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Why do some stay and others run for the hills?!

Taking a small break from my usual musings to wonder about this:-

This year seems to be the year for multiple affairs talking in particular about Tiger Woods, Jesse James and David Letterman.

As much as i would rather not read or watch all the sordid details of these families unraveling it is captivating. I think in part because it is scary.

It has made me wonder-
Why do some stay and work through the damage that infidelity brings, while others run as fast as they can!

Elin didn't immediately file for divorce, neither did David Letterman's wife... As we all know now Sandra has the papers in the works.

And this goes for men as well. Because women cheat too. As much as we would like to think only men cheat it happens both ways. And some men stay as well.

Could it be the history of the relationship that makes it stickier. Meaning that you want to stick with it. (Sorry for the making up of grammar LOL)
Could it be not wanting to loss a friend?
Could it be not wanting to break up the family?
Could it be afraid of the great unknown of single life?

I just wondered. As a teenager I have always thought I would be opened minded and I was not so opened minded with an old boyfriend who cheated, but I know that was because he did not come clean in the beginning. So may be that is the key. The truth must be forthcoming ! WHo knows?

Now that I am married I still think I would try to work it through. I guess the situation will have to present itself for you to really know how you would react.

What do you think? Why do some stay and some run as fast as they can? and what do you think you would do?

Monday, May 3, 2010

Silly, positively inane stuff

The toothpaste tube... do you squeeze from the top, the bottom or are you a middle squeezer?
What about the cap do you remember to put it on or does it lay forgotten near the sink?

The toilet seat what do you think do you mind that it is up all the time?
Should it stay down all the time?

For that matter do you care how the toilet roll hangs?

Oh and the sheets should they be well made or why bother we are going to sleep in them later anyway!

Do we have to share pillows?

As simple as these seem it is amazing how this seemingly inane issues can over time be the straw that breaks the camels back. Personally the toothpaste tube has no effect on me. I prefer to squeeze from the bottom and my husband squeezes where ever the feeling takes him. I usually just reposition it how I want it when it is my time to brush. My mother on the other hand used to blow a big one if ever anyone squeezed it anywhere other than the bottom. And if this is an issue for you and you are spoiling for a fight it can definitely help fuel that anger.

The toilet seat however used to be a big issue for me and is still cause for teasing as far as my husband is concerned. And my grouse with it is understandable I think considering I lived in a tiny apartment with an even tinier bathroom. I hated to walk in and see the toilet bowl gaping open at me and of course falling in to the bowl a few nights in a row didn't endear me to my then boyfriend. I would be so annoyed and not speak to him because of the toilet. However, to save my sanity I started checking for an open bowl even half asleep and if it was up I just simply put it down. And I think even though he still grumbles my husband does make a conscious effort to put it down. We also moved to a bigger place so it is also not such a GLARING problem .

An unmade bed though is my silent pet peeve. I need to have my bed made up before I leave for the day. This is something that is ingrained in me mind you from my mother but it is there all the same I despise coming home to an unmade bed and i definitely could sleep in a bed that is unmade. No way no how, so I will make it up if it is not made up before I go to sleep, because sleep will not come if the sheets are rumpffuled. Don't laugh that is just the way I am. Not so much for my husband he is of the philosophy why make the bed you are just going to get it messy again when you sleep in it! And because he always wakes up after me I have had to learn to adopt that philosophy (okay not) myself. I still make it before I lay my head on my pillow.

Which brings me to my pillow... my pillow is my pillow, my side is on the left of the bed and I think that no one but me should touch either of them. With the exception of my sick children they get what ever they want when they are sick.

My pillow is a source of contention with the two of us, because my husband thinks I should learn to share and I think that he should just leave my pillow alone. I sleep the best on my pillow and some how it always ends up under his head! We have gotten into some seriously heated arguments over my pillow and my side. And he is right in a sense there should be no 'mine' in coupledom, but I also think that I am entitled to some things that are just mine and he should respect it for what it is!

Such little insignificant things that if left unchecked can turn that tiny anthill into Mt. Everest.
What other little things are there that shouldn't matter but get under the skin anyway?