Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Stay at home....

When the time comes would you be okay if I 'stay at home'?

This question was never one I ever seriously considered.

Growing up in a single parent household with my mum in charge, it was only natural to me that I would grow up and join the workforce and if children came then I would tend to them and head back into the workforce again.

Then I had my first child and the thought of leaving him to anyone's care seemed impossible.
But between my husband I, I had the steady income so I worked for a bit. Then gave up the ghost of working full time after my daughter was born two years after my son and then tried balancing both work and motherhood with work tipping the scales to it's side too many times that I gave up the ghost. With the birth of the twins last year working for someone is no longer possible.

So I stay at home.

I don't miss the struggle to balance work and children... I do miss the paycheck and dressing up and leaving the house but that is a different matter.

I am not sure how the conversation came about, but before the children my husband made it clear that he was not enamored with the whole stay at home idea... he thought everyone should pull their weight and help pay the bills. Which as I stated before didn't bother me because I believe in working.

But life has a way of shaking up your concepts and beliefs.

My husband actually found himself in the position albeit reluctantly of being the stay at home person... well he worked for himself at home which means he was responsible for my son until the sitter came in to look at my son.

Society is a whole lot more tolerant of a stay at home mum than it is of a stay at home dad. We are still under the old 'rulings' that man is responsible for the bacon and woman takes care of all things in the house including the children.

A man staying at home to take care of the children is sometimes frowned on because the man is not considered man enough. And this thought can even be harboured by his wife who all of a sudden is 'left' with the pressure of getting those bills paid. And not liking it. Pretty much how some men feel about the whole stay at home thing.

The decision to stay at home should be one that both of you understand and agree on. You need to know if it is a lifetime decision or whether it is just for a period say until the children are in school or if a good can't turn it down money paying position occurs.

My husband view on me being a stay at home mum changed not because of his stint as one, but because of the children. Well we both changed our view on it. We both decided to sacrifice the money so that our children would have one of us there with them. Because there is nothing worse than seeing your children stagnate because you are not around.

So this is an important discussion that needs to happen when you first start off because you would need to know how to deal with it once the situation presents itself.

However, as with all things what you may decide in the beginning is always always subject to change. 'Cause the woman gungho to stay at home before the child/children arrive. Can decide that sanity can only be achieved if she leaves the house from 9-5!

So what say you?
Should you stay at home?

1 comment:

  1. Interesting post... we decided when I got pg with our twins that my husband would stay home with them and it's been that way ever since. I admit there are times I'm a bit jealous of the time he gets to spend with our kids (and he probably feels the same way at times about my getting to leave the house every day) but overall it works for us. We have talked about him going back to work when our youngest starts kindergarten, but to be honest I like the flexibility of him being there even with the kids in school, knowing he can pick them up within a few minutes if they get sick or be there to help in their classroom if needed... I guess we'll see how it goes.

    I kwym about people being less-than-accepting of a stay-at-home dad, although that seems to have improved a bit in the years since we started on this road. Either that or maybe it is just that we care less about what people think these days :).

    Best of luck to you and your family!


I love reading your opinion please leave a comment