Wednesday, April 28, 2010

It must have been easier in the 1960's

Roles were clearer then I think. Or was it in the 50's.
Anyway as I was saying roles were clearer then.
Everyone knew exactly what they should be doing. The man went off to work every day to bring home the bacon and the woman stayed at home and was in charge of the running of the house. She cooked, cleaned, sewed, washed, ironed, baked, made and tended to the babies. His money paid the bills and all expenses and sometimes he was responsible for the garbage, mowing the lawn ( if a neighbourhood boy was not available) and the main disciplining of the children.

Now a days with both people in the workforce the lines are decidedly blurred. It is no longer clear who is responsible for what and who is expecting who to take up what slack. My husband once accused me of trying to domesticate him in the early days of our marriage. I nearly blew a gasket when he said that. All I had done was make a comment about him washing the dishes on the occasion especially after I say cooked dinner after a long day at work. And he shot me that dosey.

But his mindset is still that of men do certain things and women do the rest.

For the most part I take the blame for blowing my expectations on this issue. I watch way too much television and American television at that and I have been exposed to so many well shared relationships where everything is done 50/50 or there is discussion that leads to 60/40 that I knew that this the type of relationship I was entering. ..... Hmmm I just never thought it necessary to talk this through with the husband because I figured he was on the same page.
If it is one thing I have learnt and i hope I can pass it on to as many people possible is that you should never assume anything.

Now how would this conversation have gone and what question would provoke this disclosure?!

Question: When it comes to cooking and cleaning you don't expect me to do it alone do you?
This may work or how about
You are such a great cook how about you handle the cooking and I do the dish-washing and if I cook than you wash the dishes.

This should lead to the type of discussion that I only recently thought to have with my husband.

Still thinking of other questions so will have to add more later.

1 comment:

  1. The engagement encounter I dragged my hubby to before marriage was helpful in this regard. It made us ask questions like these and more. When you are young and in love it's all about the romance with little thought to the practicalities of making it work and keeping the flame alive.


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