the Wedding is not the Marriage

I am so disappointed ...
I was going to write a post about Kim Kardashian's Fantasy wedding. I had just seen it's repeat for the 5th time and then I watched an episode of 4 weddings on TLC and the resounding thought in my head was people need to not get too carried away with the wedding.

Watching the two shows I couldn't help but wonder if anyone remembers that the wedding is not the same as the marriage. That the wedding  day though exciting is just a that a day. The marriage is supposed to be for a lifetime. 
Sigh but alas I got this post out too late because Kim K and Kris H have alledgedly filed for divorce. Sad.
Yes I am a fan of the reality show and I like all the girls especially loud mouth Khloe. She is my fav.
Anyway let this be a reminder to all that marriage is not about the wedding, the party or the food or how could I forget the dress... it is about the commitment of two people to each other.

Have a Happy Halloween!

What are you dressing as?
We don't partake in it here but I love to see the creative costume.
Be safe!

The agreement- be inspired

 I know most of us have gotten this as an email once or twice or maybe three times but I figured I would share it again because it highlights how easy it is to fail in a marriage once you stop communicating and being intimate with each other. (sorry that it is kind of long)
My brain has been in overload recently so feeling thankful for interesting emails and Facebook posts.

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

Be inspired

Still reeling from the reality that is death. Saw this on Facebook and I thought it perfect for those days when you are just not sure.

Smile and sharing a bit!

Today is World Smile Day!
So sharing a smile with you!
that and some kooky flowers.

Found "A Blog About Love"
so sharing a link to their 
Tips for a Really Really Great 
Marriage.

Similiar to what I love to say here.. but they are so cute so have to share. There is nothing that I like more than couples so clearly in love.

My favourite tips they share are: 

"Do not EVER speak negatively about your spouse or complain about them to others. Ever, ever, ever. Just don't bring that kind of negativity into your marriage.

Exercise & stay fit! Makes for a positive outlook, healthy body, and great sexy time. :)"

Share a smile with your significant other and any other person who passes this weekend. It will make you smile some more.
Have a great  weekend.

* I am so sad to add that my cousin, who I spoke of in the earlier post, died today. Giving up his fight against cancer! May he R.est I.n P.eace.

Cherish the time you have!

Steve Jobs died to today :(
I was totally shocked I like everyone else I knew he was sick with cancer but I just didn't figure that he would lose the fight so quickly. Cancer sucks.

When I heard of Steve Jobs I instantly thought of my cousin who is currently going through his own battle with cancer. Naturally I am concerned, but even here I send positive vibes his way!
I have been thinking about my cousin and his wife for awhile now, but I haven't been able to sort my thoughts about them so that it makes sense here. They are one of the happiest married people that I know. And all I keep thinking is that what a shame for all that happiness to have to end.
That and
we should always try our very best to enjoy the days that we do have together because you never know when that little line 'through sickness and through health' or 'till death do we part" could come into play.
So I say:

Cherish your loved ones.

Work on your communication

and be always intimate and affectionate with each other.

 Be happy everyone
and R.est I.n P.eace Steve Jobs

Encouraging words

I love you just because you are you

A while ago I took a parenting course, because frankly been struggling with giving time and encouragement to each of my four children. My second child basically being the middle child unfortunately was/is the child that gets left to her devices most time. She is also the one that will be snapped at the most, because she is as precocious, inquisitive, chatta much about not much and fidgety as any eight year can be.
BUT she is also the most sensitive and fragile of the bunch. So I took the course and came away armed with many tools some worked and some still are works in progress.

There were two tools in particular that would work perfectly in improving your relationship.
The first I needed to ensure there was a day or an activity that was just Mummy and daughter time. A special time for just the two of us so that she felt loved and important.
Well, I am sure you see how that can be translated into spending time with your significant others. Either a day with just you two or a night or a quick getaway at a hotel or something. For the hubbie and I going out is not that easy babysitter issues and such... but we do ensure to have a date night at home at least once a month ( though it is not officially titled that way) and it is as simple as sitting together holding hands and watching a movie with popcorn.  Sometimes sitting and eating dinner together after children have gone to sleep work as date night . Just looking for any time to have some together time.

The second one was the use of encouraging words and sentences with my daughter. Words that build up her self esteem and encourage her to do the things that she may not be confident or too afraid to do. I was given a list to learn and try to incorporate in our conversations. Especially around homework time.
That list really prompted the idea for this blog. I thought wow a lot of these lines would be just as effective with the hubbie. So many of us are so harsh with our significant others. We basically take it for granted that out significant others will be there for us always and we sometimes forget that hey they need support as well.

Starter lines like:
I really appreciate when....
I saw that you did.......... thank you
I believe in your ability to......
I love you just because you are you

Working on building up your words of encouragement could never be a bad thing.

I think this is so cool and kinda works on the same principle of encouraging words. I stumbled on to the Bad Day Box from  LoveActually Blog on Pinterest and I fell in love.
In essence you put together a box with love notes, treats and images to encourage your significant other on the days that are not going so great. It is explained so perfectly here.
very sweet I need one :D so I think I am going to put one together for the hubster.

So what words of encouragements do you favour?!

100th

Well what do you know

the post before was my 100th post 

flings confetti in the air! woohoo

it is pity there is no party or party favours for me to hand out to you.

But still join me in a confetti filled dance of excitement.