I am the Queen!

I watched The Young Victoria with Emily Blunt yesterday
I thought it was great
but that is because I think I have a bias for period pieces especially English pieces.
It was my favourite time in history even when I did it in class. Actually I am wrong I loved the time when King Henry VIII was in reign ( I wouldn't want to live then but there was so much going historically with religion and politics WOW!) The clothes if you had money was ridiculous love it
Anyway the movie was a sweet lovestory
and I am smittened.

My favourite line and is one I wish I could use and get away with in my life:

You are JUST my husband I am the Queen and you WILL do as I say !

Yup it was good.
Don't you just wish you could say that sometimes... ok all the times LOL.
However, their marriage was according to the movie about  sharing, caring and compromise.
She clearly loved her husband because 40 years after his death she was still putting out his clothes for the day.
No that is love.


What little special act do you do each day for you significant other?

Don't worry I can't think of any either... though I do ensure he has a vitamin every day to eat with his meal.
Does that count :)

Parenting!

I am the strict parent
I am the Bad Cop to my husband's Good Cop
Most days I find myself being the non-fun parent while the hubbie is reveling in all his funness (yes I made it up!)

Some days I feel like how Claire felt in last week's Modern Family why can't it be me?!
I want to be the fun parent!
LOL

Where am I going with this you may be wondering!

Well even though we may have slightly different roles when it comes to parenting, the one thing that we tend to work together on is our parenting. 

We have similar ideas on how our children are to be raised.
We have similar ideas on the disciplining of our children.
We have similar expectations when it comes to being a parent.

Not saying that we don't knock heads over certain things like diet and supplements and certain therapies for our son on the spectrum or how much is too much sugar for our neuro-typical daughter. But for the most part we agree!

I believe that parenting on the whole is hard! Adding differing parenting styles to the pot puts way too much grief and strain in a marriage. If ever there was a discussion that should be had before the wedding would also be this one.
Along with the -do you want children?, how many do think would you like?
You need to ask -So how was your upbringing? What kind of parent do you think you will be

I believe you need to know if your significant other to be is a spanker, a belt wielder, a long talker, or a time outer. And then you go in there knowing what you are dealing with!

Joanna Goddard of  Cup of Jo  did a series 'Secrets of a Happy Marriage' last year and I am reminded of this couple as I write this post. The wife - Leigh says it perfectly:

We're madly in love, have tons of fun together and experience a strong mutual physical attraction. But our shared beliefs about family continue to be an integral part of our marriage. Now that we have our own children, I'm so grateful to have found a mate with whom the journey of parenthood is a joy, not a source of strife.

 So as I said even though I may not be the fun parent to my children by allowing a treat every night especially on a night after a class party filled with all the cake and ice cream that a daughter can eat. I know that my hubbie agrees with me and wouldn't give it behind my back. And similarly I know there will be days when the giggling can not end and it will be the hubbie who is playing bad cop to my good!

It is definitely something to think about!

Surround yourself with happiness

Happiness is waking up to a bed full of children
as you are holding your hubbies hand!

Well to me anyway.
Recently I have been enamored with the picture of my friend and his wife.
She is looking adoringly up at him .... and they have two children. She also speaks lovingly and adoringly of him too and after two children.

I was so not adoring after my two children were born it seemed that all his/our faults were glaringly highlighted after the children's arrival like a very ripe pimple on your forehead the night of the prom.

I am always kind of jealous of women and men who continuously talk gushingly about how absolutely awesome their spouses are.

To be honest it kind of makes me feel like a heel because more time than not I am not gushing adoring about my hubbie because most days he gets under my skin and I am just plain pissed at him. And I am not the most affectionate person whether through words or gestures. Not saying that I am not loving just not mushy or huggy. (I have sensory issues she says smiling)

Of course it is all about attitude as seen in the new to me blog called "Gwen in Love" her post 'Good Intentions' states Your marriage will be so peaceful and happy if you live by the belief that you would never do anything to intentionally hurt your spouse. So true.

In the post she states that instead of getting all bitter and seeing the negative side of your significant other actions it would do you both good if you have a more positive outlook on the action.
Like instead of getting royally pissed that your husband keeps calling you when you are out with the girls because clearly he is checking up on you because he thinks you are up to no good... why not consider that he is worried about you driving home so late by yourself. Now this view has him as thoughtful and caring (by the way this works for guys as well).

Oh and also as this article at Forbes.com says it's best 'If you want to improve your relationship with your spouse, surround yourself with people in successful relationships.'
Can't argue with that!

So when you are feeling that you need to add a little adoration in your day, you should pull out your list of good words about your significant other and then give them a hug.

What is your idea of happiness?

Roles and expectations

Recently I overheard a not yet married friend of mine say that he was becoming more cave-like in his thinking.
He went on further to explain that if it was expected of him to be the hero at the roadside fixing a flat, or the car,
the one that puts out the garbage and mows the lawn
the one that gets the roach and lifts the heavy suitcase or couch
then it can not be wrong of him to expect a clean house and a hot cooked meal when he gets home without any grumbling or grimacing.
My friend Hope says pretty much the same thing in her blog post here.

And neither of them are wrong
EXCEPT
as I told my hubbie when discussing the first statement

These expectations need to discussed before hand.

The first fight/disagreement my hubbie and I ever had when we first started dating was his expectation of me cooking for him every day ...I laughed at that because hey we were in college and hey I couldn't cook anything other than Ramen noodles and broccoli or Kraft macaroni and cheese with canned tuna. And why would I cook for him we were not even living together yet. Mind you after this disagreement I knew what he expected.

It shouldn't be the result of an argument that you a find out what your significant other wants and needs.

It should come up in discussion before you move into together. Because suppose you are expecting your girlfriend/wife to cook you that hot meal everyday BUT she works too and can't find the time, OR she can't cook to save her life and even water is not safe with her then what are you going to be pissed with her forever. i hope not.
Or alternatively suppose the male of the couple is the cook and wants to be the main meal provider and you are like hello no way this is my kitchen then what happens then.

Giggle I have encountered both situations.

The non -cooking woman ... my aunt actually learned how to cook after she got married to feed the children ok and her hubbie, but also she keeps a stack of take-out menus for the three days that she doesn't cook.
The hubbie that wanted to handle the cooking well his wife eventually said cool the kitchen is yours on these days.

Anyway I got carried away with the cooking topic
So how will your significant other know that you are not expecting him
to fix your car (there are mechanics for that)
or kill the roach (roaches just do not frighten you)
and
you need a clean house too but you expect the tasks to be shared 50/50 and cooking... well that is a different story
if you don't speak about it.
I think you may be in for a bumpy ride if you don't.

Well maybe not bumpy but definitely interesting.

What do you think?
Would it have been easier knowing what your role was in the marriage?
The questions to start off could be as simple as:
Can you cook? Do you expect three hot meals a day?
How about take-out?
Do you know the number of the AA guy?