Have you seen this show?!!!
Big Fat Gypsy wedding... totally wild and kinda unbelievable!
I will say it again I watch too much television... and clearly I am enthralled with reality shows.
There that is out!
Anyway I saw my first show last weekend and I was mesmerised by the contradictions that this group of Irish 'travellers' presented. The girls dress very suggestively, practice gyrating dance moves yet due to strict gypsy code no sex before marriage. So as far as I can see it that it explains the early marriage age of alot of the brides. In the episode I saw, the girl getting married was 16 years! The dresses were huge huge and shiny. A really over the top show.
The reason I am even mentioning this show is because of the thoughts I had just prior to seeing the show... I had been dwelling on expectations and roles in a marriage. And how as couples we can get lost in our expectations and misunderstand the roles that we see for each other. In the travellers world the role of a woman is very clear- Girls are raised to be housewives, so they are taught to cook, clean and cater to the males in their family from early. Boys are raised knowing that they need to work and bring home the bacon once that is done then they get to hang out and drink beer with the men. Men/boys do not partake in any form of housework and helping with the children is a definite no-no.
I nearly fell off my chair watching the two examples of this. The fiance of the 16year old went to look at the trailer that he and his bride to be were going to live in and bought it and said oh the place is a mess, but she will have to clean it out when she sees it ... on her wedding night! Because he couldn't be seen doing housework that is woman's work. The second and best example is of this very macho older man who was talking about his baby god-daughter, when asked if he would push the trolley that the baby was in he shook his no! He could never do that how embarrasing that would be if anyone was to seeing pushing a baby stroller! Oh boy.
Though when you go into a marriage knowing exactly what is expected of you and where the lines are drawn for you both, I feel that there is very little room for grumbling on those issues. I could be wrong. Though it must make certain things easier I feel.
I remember my husband in the early days of our marriage accusing me of wanting to 'domesticate' him because I thought to ask him to wash the dishes seeing that not only did I hate to wash dishes, but I had cooked dinner. He nearly lost it. For our first two children he may have changed one diaper maybe two diapers and that is only because I was not home at the time and he couldn't pass them on to me. Maybe our adjustment into marriage would have been easier if we were as clear with what roles men and women held as in the Gypsy/traveller world. Maybe who knows for sure.
What do you think?
Do you think defining clear roles would make it easier?