Awhile ago I stumbled across the blog
"Learn with Jenny" and I have been inspired ever since. For one Jenny Meyerson aspires to make
a different cupcake every week for 52 weeks and boy do I love cupcakes!
She lives her life fully and meaningfully as she can, recording all that she and her children do in her Project Life manual.
Jenny shares her, as she puts it, "Unsolicited Marriage Advice" with us.
Jeff and I often are asked about our marriage. We are great friends and
partners in life despite enormous stresses in our 12 years of marriage.
We don’t pretend to be experts but we have received several emails and
facebook messages asking for advice so we are happy to give you some
simple things that work for us.
1.
Public praise, private criticism. This is the
best advice
my dad ever gave me. I do not speak unkindly about Jeff. Period. I’m
not going to belittle him even if it makes me fit in on the topic of the
day at work or when dining with my girlfriends. Jeff always says that
my friends think he’s perfect because I only tell everyone the good
stuff. Great! That means I’m doing my job as his wife, friend, and his
greatest fan.
My guess is you can name more people who criticize their spouse versus
build them up. I think we have the power to change that fact.
2.
3rd time is not a charm, it’s nagging. Ask your
spouse to put the Christmas lights up once. Then possibly repeat a
second request, assuming he/she didn’t hear you. But the third time is
merely nagging. So get out the ladder and start putting the lights up,
even if you are 8 months pregnant. Chances are when he drives up and
sees you on the ladder, he will take over.
I will not admit if this is a true story. See tip #1.
3.
Go on a weekly date. This is an non-negotiable date
for us. When our dates are postponed, our communication level seems to
plummet. We tend to become focused on managing our home and children
instead of meeting the needs of each other.
To build on this, we are working hard at adding variety into our dating
life. Instead of just catching a movie, we are going rock climbing,
exploring new restaurants, hiking new trails, and having a picnic. Our
dates are also free from cell phone use and include very limited
conversations about our children.
4.
Give it up. Yes, I just wrote that. It’s not
rocket science friends. It’s a physical and emotional need for both
partners and I truly believe that you get out what you put in. That
pertains to quantity and quality from both spouses.
5.
Encourage each other’s interests. Jeff has been
interested in golf, triathlons, poker, and cycling in our marriage. And I
haven’t met a hobby or sport that doesn’t excite or intrigue me. Where
we have really gelled together is that we are excited for each other to
explore our own interests.
I asked Jeff to teach me how to play poker so that I could talk to him
about his hobby. I biked 80 miles with Jeff on several occasions just to
spend time with him while he was training for the Ironman.
In return, Jeff has been my greatest supporter with my life list and
this blog. This blog was a gift from Jeff merely because he listened to a
2 AM conversation in which I spoke of my dream to start living
intentionally and writing more.
6.
Laugh. Jeff and I laugh A LOT. This has been a
huge refuge for us during the past decade. We send each other emails
with jokes or Youtube videos we discover. We love comedy movies and have
enjoyed several dates to comedy clubs/concerts. We also surround
ourselves with friends who enjoy laughing as well.
7.
Don’t give others unsolicited marriage advice.
Unless asked, Jeff and I don’t give people unsolicited advice on
marriage or parenting EVER. Instead we offer our friends (and strangers)
grace. We aren’t perfect and can always learn from others, even if it
is the lesson of what we don’t want as spouses or parents. You can
really offend and hurt people with giving unsolicited advice. This
includes your family members and adult children. Even despite your best
intentions, you will create additional barriers by inserting your
opinions.
Blessings sweet friends – Jenny
I think # 1 is key advice what do you think. And my mother and one of my best friends have actually given me #2 worded differently. I subscribe to both to this day.
Which ones are your favourite? Do you have any that you would add?
Thank you Jenny
remember to visit 'Learn with Jenny' and be inspired :D
Have a great weekend
