I appreciate you!

Now this topic is a little hard for me
well because I am still fighting it! LOL

In all the couples advice available you would surely find the line
Be sure to thank your spouse!
Show him that you appreciate when he does something so that he feels good about it and continues to do it!

HMMMMmm
My response has always been (mentally)
WHY!
Why do I have to say thank you because
the hubbie has:
looked after the children...isn't that his job as well?
if he has cooked breakfast AND left behind a tornando style mess in the kitchen... shouldn't he be helping out anyway?
taken out the garbage or cuts the lawn...once again isn't that what he is supposed to do?

However it hit me yesterday that if I got off of my high horse and thought about it a minute everyone loves being appreciated.

Why this revelation?
Well the hubbie and the children took the time to mention that they were enjoying breakfast :)

They didn't have to do it but it sure made the tolling in the kitchen worth it!
Thinking back I remember a time my mother having a fit because no one mentioned how lovely her meal was.
We were all under the age of 11 so not one of us thought to mention it even though it did taste good albeit it did have onions in it which I happen to despise to this day.

So here is the thing,
we all like being praised, thanked and appreciated.
We love it when our hubbie tells us we are beautiful even though we know otherwise...geez pjs and morning hair are never a great combo.
We love when a meal is praised, appreciated and eaten all up.
We love it when you get a kiss for being the best Mummy ever!
 And all of those mentioned fall under things that 'you are supposed to do'.

So on the day that the hubbie is posturing for a trophy or an award after cleaning the kitchen for 'you'* (yeah that once in a blue moon time) be nice and be sure to say
THANK YOU and really be thankful.

*(ps now this is just an example because God knows the moon would have to be purple before my hubbie would help clean LOL)

Roles and expectations

Recently I overheard a not yet married friend of mine say that he was becoming more cave-like in his thinking.
He went on further to explain that if it was expected of him to be the hero at the roadside fixing a flat, or the car,
the one that puts out the garbage and mows the lawn
the one that gets the roach and lifts the heavy suitcase or couch
then it can not be wrong of him to expect a clean house and a hot cooked meal when he gets home without any grumbling or grimacing.
My friend Hope says pretty much the same thing in her blog post here.

And neither of them are wrong
EXCEPT
as I told my hubbie when discussing the first statement

These expectations need to discussed before hand.

The first fight/disagreement my hubbie and I ever had when we first started dating was his expectation of me cooking for him every day ...I laughed at that because hey we were in college and hey I couldn't cook anything other than Ramen noodles and broccoli or Kraft macaroni and cheese with canned tuna. And why would I cook for him we were not even living together yet. Mind you after this disagreement I knew what he expected.

It shouldn't be the result of an argument that you a find out what your significant other wants and needs.

It should come up in discussion before you move into together. Because suppose you are expecting your girlfriend/wife to cook you that hot meal everyday BUT she works too and can't find the time, OR she can't cook to save her life and even water is not safe with her then what are you going to be pissed with her forever. i hope not.
Or alternatively suppose the male of the couple is the cook and wants to be the main meal provider and you are like hello no way this is my kitchen then what happens then.

Giggle I have encountered both situations.

The non -cooking woman ... my aunt actually learned how to cook after she got married to feed the children ok and her hubbie, but also she keeps a stack of take-out menus for the three days that she doesn't cook.
The hubbie that wanted to handle the cooking well his wife eventually said cool the kitchen is yours on these days.

Anyway I got carried away with the cooking topic
So how will your significant other know that you are not expecting him
to fix your car (there are mechanics for that)
or kill the roach (roaches just do not frighten you)
and
you need a clean house too but you expect the tasks to be shared 50/50 and cooking... well that is a different story
if you don't speak about it.
I think you may be in for a bumpy ride if you don't.

Well maybe not bumpy but definitely interesting.

What do you think?
Would it have been easier knowing what your role was in the marriage?
The questions to start off could be as simple as:
Can you cook? Do you expect three hot meals a day?
How about take-out?
Do you know the number of the AA guy?