Great Expectations- the Manual or I shouldnt have to say

Hello! Hello!

2012-01-19T13:19:00.000-08:00

You want to know what is a hell of a test on a marriage?
Sharing a computer!
Yup that has been my life for the last few weeks.
My sweet hubster had decided to work at home forgoing the two computers he has at his office to work here on my computer!!!
As much as I love having the hubster around it was a bit.... uhm ... kinda... uhm okay I'll say it annoying I wanted to use my computer.
LoL luckily no arguments erupted or did a rogue stapler suddenly sprout wings and hurtle itself at the hubbie's head. No it was all good because hey it was Christmas and New Years so new thing, new attitudes.
Oh by the by

HAPPY NEW YEAR my PeePs

Yes yes I know the 2012 is all of 19 days old already but it is still a pup :D

If there were one thing that I would wish for everyone this year is that they communicate more.

So my word for the year is

Have a good one.

Merry Merry

2011-12-25T19:31:00.000-08:00

Wishing you a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Seasons Greeting, Happy Hannukah,

& Happy Kwanzaa too.

Giving Thanks

2011-11-26T15:34:00.000-08:00

Well I have been MIA (missing in action) because well
1st school has been stressing me, not my children but ME, homework is no fun mark my words.
and
2nd I decided to join in the NANOWRIMO challenge to write a novel in a month. I always said I wanted to write a book or two so I figured why not try this. It has been an interesting time consuming experience.
I have learned a few things about myself in taking on this challenge and one of them is....
Boy do I have an imagination,
You can fall in love with your characters
and
I am not ready for guerilla writing and have just resigned to the fact that I will not be winning the challenge. Oh well still intend to finish the novel whether it is readable or not. LOL

So long and short not really able to blog as much as I would like to.

Seeing that this is Thankgiving weekend for my USA friends I am sure many of you are stuffed full of turkey and most definitely all shopped out.

Naturally it is not Thanksgiving where I am but it is important to be thankful at all times.

So Giving thanks for
a wonderfully happy, mostly healthy family (hubbie and children)
smiles and spontaneous laughter
friends new and old
and a wonderful supportive extended family
a house with a roof and a dog to run around the yard
and the people that read this blog that's you
and the time to blog because I love it.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend may it be restful!

the Wedding is not the Marriage

2011-10-31T11:35:00.000-07:00

I am so disappointed ...
I was going to write a post about Kim Kardashian's Fantasy wedding. I had just seen it's repeat for the 5th time and then I watched an episode of 4 weddings on TLC and the resounding thought in my head was people need to not get too carried away with the wedding.

Watching the two shows I couldn't help but wonder if anyone remembers that the wedding is not the same as the marriage. That the wedding day though exciting is just a that a day. The marriage is supposed to be for a lifetime.
Sigh but alas I got this post out too late because Kim K and Kris H have alledgedly filed for divorce. Sad.
Yes I am a fan of the reality show and I like all the girls especially loud mouth Khloe. She is my fav.
Anyway let this be a reminder to all that marriage is not about the wedding, the party or the food or how could I forget the dress... it is about the commitment of two people to each other.

Have a Happy Halloween!

What are you dressing as?
We don't partake in it here but I love to see the creative costume.
Be safe!

The agreement- be inspired

2011-10-29T12:30:00.000-07:00

I know most of us have gotten this as an email once or twice or maybe three times but I figured I would share it again because it highlights how easy it is to fail in a marriage once you stop communicating and being intimate with each other. (sorry that it is kind of long)
My brain has been in overload recently so feeling thankful for interesting emails and Facebook posts.

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

Be inspired

2011-10-12T09:52:00.000-07:00

Still reeling from the reality that is death. Saw this on Facebook and I thought it perfect for those days when you are just not sure.

Smile and sharing a bit!

2011-10-07T18:51:00.000-07:00

Today is World Smile Day!
So sharing a smile with you!
that and some kooky flowers.

Found "A Blog About Love"
so sharing a link to their
Tips for a Really Really Great
Marriage.

Similiar to what I love to say here.. but they are so cute so have to share. There is nothing that I like more than couples so clearly in love.

My favourite tips they share are:

"Do not EVER speak negatively about your spouse or complain about them to others. Ever, ever, ever. Just don't bring that kind of negativity into your marriage.

Exercise & stay fit! Makes for a positive outlook, healthy body, and great sexy time. :)"

Share a smile with your significant other and any other person who passes this weekend. It will make you smile some more.
Have a great weekend.

* I am so sad to add that my cousin, who I spoke of in the earlier post, died today. Giving up his fight against cancer! May he R.est I.n P.eace.

Cherish the time you have!

2011-10-05T20:15:00.000-07:00

Steve Jobs died to today :(
I was totally shocked I like everyone else I knew he was sick with cancer but I just didn't figure that he would lose the fight so quickly. Cancer sucks.

When I heard of Steve Jobs I instantly thought of my cousin who is currently going through his own battle with cancer. Naturally I am concerned, but even here I send positive vibes his way!
I have been thinking about my cousin and his wife for awhile now, but I haven't been able to sort my thoughts about them so that it makes sense here. They are one of the happiest married people that I know. And all I keep thinking is that what a shame for all that happiness to have to end.
That and
we should always try our very best to enjoy the days that we do have together because you never know when that little line 'through sickness and through health' or 'till death do we part" could come into play.
So I say:

Cherish your loved ones.
Work on your communication
and be always intimate and affectionate with each other.

Be happy everyone
and R.est I.n P.eace Steve Jobs

Encouraging words

2011-09-28T20:08:00.000-07:00

I love you just because you are you

A while ago I took a parenting course, because frankly been struggling with giving time and encouragement to each of my four children. My second child basically being the middle child unfortunately was/is the child that gets left to her devices most time. She is also the one that will be snapped at the most, because she is as precocious, inquisitive, chatta much about not much and fidgety as any eight year can be.
BUT she is also the most sensitive and fragile of the bunch. So I took the course and came away armed with many tools some worked and some still are works in progress.

There were two tools in particular that would work perfectly in improving your relationship.
The first I needed to ensure there was a day or an activity that was just Mummy and daughter time. A special time for just the two of us so that she felt loved and important.
Well, I am sure you see how that can be translated into spending time with your significant others. Either a day with just you two or a night or a quick getaway at a hotel or something. For the hubbie and I going out is not that easy babysitter issues and such... but we do ensure to have a date night at home at least once a month ( though it is not officially titled that way) and it is as simple as sitting together holding hands and watching a movie with popcorn. Sometimes sitting and eating dinner together after children have gone to sleep work as date night . Just looking for any time to have some together time.

The second one was the use of encouraging words and sentences with my daughter. Words that build up her self esteem and encourage her to do the things that she may not be confident or too afraid to do. I was given a list to learn and try to incorporate in our conversations. Especially around homework time.
That list really prompted the idea for this blog. I thought wow a lot of these lines would be just as effective with the hubbie. So many of us are so harsh with our significant others. We basically take it for granted that out significant others will be there for us always and we sometimes forget that hey they need support as well.

Starter lines like:
I really appreciate when....
I saw that you did.......... thank you
I believe in your ability to......
I love you just because you are you

Working on building up your words of encouragement could never be a bad thing.

I think this is so cool and kinda works on the same principle of encouraging words. I stumbled on to the Bad Day Box from LoveActually Blog on Pinterest and I fell in love.
In essence you put together a box with love notes, treats and images to encourage your significant other on the days that are not going so great. It is explained so perfectly here.
very sweet I need one :D so I think I am going to put one together for the hubster.

So what words of encouragements do you favour?!

100th

2011-09-23T20:39:00.000-07:00

Well what do you know

the post before was my 100th post

flings confetti in the air! woohoo

it is pity there is no party or party favours for me to hand out to you.

But still join me in a confetti filled dance of excitement.

Shiver me timbers

2011-09-19T22:04:00.000-07:00

Today is Talk like A Pirate Day!
LOL
I bet you thought I was going to try to convince you to do some new pirate themed way to communicate with your significant other thus promoting intimacy.
Well I am not .... not really.

I get daily Feng shui tips via email and today for Talk like a Pirate Day the tip was about making treasure maps or most of us know it vision boards.

Treasure mapping, or vision boarding, has long been used in order to create a visual representation of your hopes, wishes and dreams.

Half way through the mental planning of my vision board it hit me, wouldn't it be a great t an hing if you did up a vision board together with your significant other. I don't think I have ever heard of anyone doing a joint board.
What a perfect way to start off your relationship/marriage with a visual conversation of your dreams and expectations and put it up as a reminder of what your goals as a couple are.

The promise inherent in this effort is that before a year is done, some or even all of your intentions on that map will have come true in some shape or form.

What would be on your couples vision board ( I can tell it is never too late to put one together)

Images I would definitely have on our couples board:

Are you noticing a trend. I am looking for happy, hugging family and growing old together :D
Shouldn't we all.

Posts from the Past

2011-08-26T22:19:00.000-07:00

This summer has taken its toll on me,
my computer was sick and then died and I have yet to replace it.
Then I was sick and it took me two weeks to get back my energy.
To now finding my self with a bum shoulder. I think my body is giving up on me
cause geez I did have another birthday this month. Yes I did have a party no balloons but with friends and alcohol :)
and then well it is summer and the children need to be entertained and by golly they have been entertaining me
so definitely not giving me anytime to visit here or visit any of my favourite haunts.
Seeing that there is two more weeks of summer before it is back to school and I have a little more free time. I leave up some my favourite posts.

I appreciate you
Yes Dear
Surround yourself with Happiness
Children
It's your decision choose it
List of good words only
Just 10 minutes
Just Listen
My bucket list

Hoping Hurricane Irene plays nice with all those on the East Coast.
Happy Weekend to everybody else.

To Grey or Not to Grey!

2011-08-16T13:51:00.000-07:00

To grey or not to grey now that question of the day.

I know that many of us never think of this when we hook up with our significant other.
Especially women going grey naturally could easily become a group decision.
I found this out recently...because shocker...
I have quite an accumulation of silver/white/grey hair (what ever you want to call it)
I am actually quite comfortable with my white hair.
My mother has had a patch of white in her hair for all of my life and now she is all white with a touch of pepper. So I think nothing of greying naturally.
However the hubbie is not so sure about that.
Grey hair to him is not a symbol of wisdom or triumph over life nope he sees it as simply old age, stress and a symbol of no sleep.I think it interferes with his sleep.
hmmmm
So as a result I have considered going the route of the bottle to cover up those greys
because there are so many things to battle over and I chose not to let my hair be one of them.

Wonder if I should dye those white hair pink LOL!

Have you ever had this type of discussion?

Hold my hand

2011-07-29T14:53:00.000-07:00

Holding Hands by Coralay (Drawn art at Deviantart.com)

Remember when you first started 'dating' and you were all hot and heavy it was if you were glued together
palm to palm anyway.
Just that little bit of connection could keep you as you strolled down the street.
Hmmmm memories!

Why is it that after the initial burst of romance most of us couples stop holding hands?

We should never stop.
Hand holding is such a great way to be intimate with each other without being too in your face
and if you have children it allows you to not be too 'gross' LOL
it is communicating with each other without words.
Well that is how I see it anyway.

This weekend I dare you to hold hands with your significant others even if it just while you watch tv.

Have a great weekend !

Under a bit of pressure!

2011-07-25T14:09:00.000-07:00

My new favourite show is Marriage under Construction I stumbled onto it by accident one day last week as I was lazing and surfing the channels. It is on DIY , well actually on HGTV Canada and it about this newlywed young couple who are renovating their first home together and how they deal with it. They are the cutest couple ever and honestly that is what I love about the show they are just adorable. But my hat goes off to them if ever there was a test to be had on a marriage, renovating/rebuilding your home is definitely high up there in its challenge quota.

This is definitely the way to see what sort of stuff your significant other is about. And I am not joking in saying that it could surely make or break your relationship.
Moving house is also another hard one.

Who ever thought that marriage/coupledom isn't work has another thing coming to them.

Of course you never know how you or your significant is going to handle any of those situations until you are actually involved in it but it helps if you have taken little test challenges in the earlier years of your relationship.
My mother sent me this link from eHarmony recently which to me nails it on the head. Ok I don't know why my Mother is getting email from eHarmony but haven't asked either LOL
It is titled "6 Situations When the "Real You" Emerges" such as Driving/road trips, getting sick how you deal with it and how your significant other deals with it.
Recently this was on my mind when I unexpectantly spent 5 days in the hospital. My hubbie, who like most hubbies, can get under my skin sometimes.
But in a situation like this he is genius! Perfect, perfect for me!
He stays calm and collected, he does the research for what is wrong and he piles me with love and treats. He gave up sleep for those days to ensure that I slept :D. It is times like these that reminds us why we we chose each other LOL.

Sometimes pressure puts things out of proportion but honestly you may be surprised that you like the shape that it takes when the pressure is off.

have you ever been in a situation that made you think that yup your significant other was a keeper?

Feeling blue...

2011-06-28T21:44:00.000-07:00

I am feeling blue!
literally and figuratively!
My computer and mouse turned a queasy shade of blue recently!
And as everyone knows blue is not a good colour for computers.
And no wonder because my hard drive is now DEAD!!
well according to the technicians that worked on it anyway.
SIGH
I had a years worth of pictures on that computer.
Now all gone pouf
So i am feeling blue.

No computer
no pictures
only memories
So it goes.
I guess these things happen.

The marrying age

2011-06-16T10:39:00.000-07:00

(squidoo.com)

A friend of mine's little brother got married recently
I was shocked
I instantly thought he was too young to be married
Imagine a young boy like that getting married (28)
too young
I always have this belief that men should be at least 30 when they marry
ensuring that most of the oats are sowed....
and then I paused for moment and did some maths ( I try not to do this very often LOL)
It seemed like ages ago (and it was looking 41 here :s)
but gee if I didn't get married at 29 with my hubbie being 28
yup I am a mini cougar .
So much for my theory.
Have you given any thought about what is a good marrying age ?

Anyways looking at his wedding pictures he is the epitome of being in-love and I thought what a lucky girl
but then you see her and she is just ooozing in-loveness as well.
Newly married love is so sweet to witness.

I have only two, ok three pieces of advice to give to him

3) Always remember to call and say that you are running late...
2) Remember to spend time with each other if only for 10 minutes every day
1) Kiss Kiss and Kiss some more your sweetie

Let's talk about sex ....

2011-06-13T12:34:00.000-07:00

I haven't done this in such a long time... I went blog walking
and I happened about one of my fav blogs again
Gwen in Love
As usual there are a few posts I want to reblog but I especially like
Money, Sex and Happiness and Adding a Little Variety

Yes I know how odd that I am talking about sex as I never do.
Well because in a word I am a prude!
But because I don't talk about it doesn't mean that I don't think that we should all have it and have it often.
As couples we all need to make the effort to not get lost in the day to day drudgery of work, bills, commuting and children and loss our intimacy. Being intimate, communicating with each other are key elements of long lasting coupledom.... Soooo let's talk about it.

According to WebMD (the inspiration for Gwen's blog) Dartmouth College economist David Blachflower and Andrew Oswald of the University of Warwick in England report that sex "enters so strongly (and) positively in happiness equations" that they estimate increasing intercourse from once a month to once a week is equivalent to the amount of happiness generated by getting an additional $50,000 in income for the average American.

Overall, the happiest folks are those getting the most sex -- married people, who report 30% more between-the-sheets action than single folks. In fact, the economists calculate that a lasting marriage equates to happiness generated by getting an extra $100,000 each year.

Isn't that cool!
Now that you know this would you tumble into bed with your significant other to do more than sleep together?
Did you ever think there would be a time that sleep would win over sex?

If you think you need help spicing things up in your routine
see the next post from Gwen that has me tickled. Adding a Little Variety
These suggestions are my favourites:

Have secret words so you can imply what you want in front of the kids (e.g. ice cream=sex).
Have a quickie.
Don't wear underwear under your clothing. This may work better-or at least feel more comfortable-with a dress or a skirt.
Have sex with all of the lights on.

Keep eye contact throughout the entire sexual experience- especially during orgasm when you naturally want to close your eyes. This could be one of the most intimate moments you've shared.>> This one though I think I would laugh too much and spoil the mood though laughter is never a bad thing

What say you?

Redbook's Hot Husband 2011

2011-06-08T06:29:00.000-07:00

I just had to reblog this article on MSN from Redbook
The Hottest Husband in America, 2011

As you know I love stories like these.
I also think that communication through the form of notes, cards and emails should be definitely encouraged in a couple. And this article has all of it. And the husband is not bad looking.

"I still write Julie love letters," Kyle says. "The one I wrote for her birthday last year listed all the reasons I love her." But for Julie, his most romantic move is the mornings he wakes up with their two boys, Luke and Caleb, and lets her sleep in. "Being a father is Kyle's favorite role and greatest joy in life," she says.

Isn't that sweet. I wish I could sleep in too... Oh now I remember, I do, most Saturdays I get an extra hour while hubby tries to keep the children quiet as they tear up the house.
Most days husband get a bad rap so it is good to see one being showcased in such a wonderfully positive light.

In a Gypsy world.

2011-06-07T20:49:00.000-07:00

Have you seen this show?!!!

Big Fat Gypsy wedding... totally wild and kinda unbelievable!

I will say it again I watch too much television... and clearly I am enthralled with reality shows.

There that is out!

Anyway I saw my first show last weekend and I was mesmerised by the contradictions that this group of Irish 'travellers' presented. The girls dress very suggestively, practice gyrating dance moves yet due to strict gypsy code no sex before marriage. So as far as I can see it that it explains the early marriage age of alot of the brides. In the episode I saw, the girl getting married was 16 years! The dresses were huge huge and shiny. A really over the top show.

The reason I am even mentioning this show is because of the thoughts I had just prior to seeing the show... I had been dwelling on expectations and roles in a marriage. And how as couples we can get lost in our expectations and misunderstand the roles that we see for each other. In the travellers world the role of a woman is very clear- Girls are raised to be housewives, so they are taught to cook, clean and cater to the males in their family from early. Boys are raised knowing that they need to work and bring home the bacon once that is done then they get to hang out and drink beer with the men. Men/boys do not partake in any form of housework and helping with the children is a definite no-no.

I nearly fell off my chair watching the two examples of this. The fiance of the 16year old went to look at the trailer that he and his bride to be were going to live in and bought it and said oh the place is a mess, but she will have to clean it out when she sees it ... on her wedding night! Because he couldn't be seen doing housework that is woman's work. The second and best example is of this very macho older man who was talking about his baby god-daughter, when asked if he would push the trolley that the baby was in he shook his no! He could never do that how embarrasing that would be if anyone was to seeing pushing a baby stroller! Oh boy.

Though when you go into a marriage knowing exactly what is expected of you and where the lines are drawn for you both, I feel that there is very little room for grumbling on those issues. I could be wrong. Though it must make certain things easier I feel.

I remember my husband in the early days of our marriage accusing me of wanting to 'domesticate' him because I thought to ask him to wash the dishes seeing that not only did I hate to wash dishes, but I had cooked dinner. He nearly lost it. For our first two children he may have changed one diaper maybe two diapers and that is only because I was not home at the time and he couldn't pass them on to me. Maybe our adjustment into marriage would have been easier if we were as clear with what roles men and women held as in the Gypsy/traveller world. Maybe who knows for sure.

What do you think?

Do you think defining clear roles would make it easier?

Hey

2011-05-29T13:19:00.000-07:00

Ok what happened?!

What did I do?

I looked at my stats

(yes I know I said would stop and it doesn't matter much here but still need to see)

and

there were 246 visits yesterday!!!!

Wow

Shocking LOL

Happy to have had you

Say Hello next time will ya !

Sharing...

2011-05-20T08:36:00.000-07:00

I thought this was an interesting article so I am sharing with you.. click on the link

The Curse of the Just-OK Marriage

After a few years of marriage and maybe a few kids, many couples settle into a routine and can take their spouse and relationship for granted. Here are ideas on how to keep the spark alive.

http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/article.aspx?cp-documentid=28643338&gt1=32092

and now that you have read that you have to look through these pics for inspiration.
Who said that Hollywood marriages/partnerships don't last!

http://www.ivillage.com/long-lasting-celebrity-couples/1-b-351031

Have a great weekend

There is no changing here!

2011-05-19T10:28:00.000-07:00

I haven't been here in like ages and now all of sudden I am here again teehee
my time has freed up a teensy bit so now I have time to think....

just needed to share this...

IN case you have been living in a cave on the tallest mountain not yet discovered.
It thought I would say
NEVER
NEVER
NEVER
and I think I'll add one more
NEVER go into a relationship
thinking that the person you are going with,
living with
or getting married to
will change.

Sigh...

2011-05-18T13:08:00.000-07:00

What's that old adage...

When the cat's away the mice shall play!

Well that is how I felt recently when my sweet hubbie and my son went away for 10 days!
The first night I was like oh no how am I going to sleep?
But slowly I started to embrace the fact that the entire bed was all mine for the while.
My pillows were my own as was all the covers.
And the television teehee I think I lost a lot of sleep because I stayed up watching shows that I would normally forgo because I know the hubbie would be either frowning or grumbling or outright ridiculing me for wanting to see such a show.
I had a blast I felt as if I was in college again.... mind you with three very demanding roommates LOL but they were asleep by 10.
So I had plenty time to do what I will.
I basically overdid it on computer and television because there was no one to say 'What ya still doing that" scowl! LOL

I think it is okay to look forward to some 'breaks' from your significant others.
You really don't realize how restricting it can be being a part of a couple.
There is always going to be some form of compromise and sharing but that is what you sign up for.
Honestly, I embrace the breaks when I get them, but I enjoy the sharing that comes with being a couple.
As it is better to share, compromise and battle for the covers with someone than it is to not have that significant other again. And also the other thing that distance or time apart does is make the heart go fonder.
And in that case the sharing of the bed, pillows, television wouldn't matter as you would be too busy 'saying' how much you missed each other.

Am I the only one that enjoys the little me time?
What do you do when it is just you?

A Royal Wedding

2011-05-03T16:40:00.000-07:00

Like most of the world I woke up early last Friday
(ok I was rudely awakened by my mother-in-law and my sister LOL geez it was 4am in the morning and I needed my sleep!!!)
Anyway I figured seeing that I 'was' at Diana's wedding as my sister reminded me with tissue on hand... it was only fitting that I attended her son's wedding
and I was not disappointed.
and as I watched the ceremony for the fifth time later in the day I couldn't help the sniffles
because weddings are magical
and this Royal wedding was no different.
The fairytale aspect of the girl winning her Prince was super sweet as well.
What girl hasn't dreamt of her Prince riding in from the sunrise and claiming her!

My favourite part of the whole ceremony was when he looked at her with a sweet smile and told her she looked beautiful... swoon!

But as beautiful as the dress was,
as dashing and princely he looked,
as fabulous as the ceremony was
I just couldn't help being bugged out about him not participating fully in the ring exchange.

Why couldn't he simply go through the ring blessing and just opt not to wear the ring.
On thinking of it I know that yes it would cause a media frenzy if he was ever spotted out without his ring.
Yet still
it cheapened the whole ceremony to me.... it seemed as if Catherine (love that she is no longer Kate LOL) was the only one getting married!
hmmmm
Which lead me thinking about women who do not change their name when married... it is pretty much the same thing isn't it?

What do you think, is it ok that Prince William refused to wear a ring?
Would you ever accept that from your significant other?
What about the whole woman keeping their name thing? How do you feel about that?

But this show is my favourite :s

2011-04-20T15:01:00.000-07:00

One of my new favourite tv shows in syndication is
How I met your mother!
I guess it is the new Friends
anyway I love it, it makes me laugh every time.

I watched an episode recently that made me think.
Ted got engaged to a woman who had never seen Star Wars Ted's all time favourite movie. His best friend Marshall insisted that she couldn't be the one if she never saw Star Wars. They both sat on egg shells while she sat through the movie and then she pretended to love it. They actually never did get married she chickened out but not because of the movie.
But should it have been a sign that they were not matched right?

Watching this episode I sat giggling because well I am a Star Wars junkie and ....
so is my husband. Well I am a sci-fi junkie. Love them all.

But then I started to wonder...

I never once thought about my hubbie not liking my movie choices. After sci-fi, I love a woman powered show, love romantic comedies and English history flicks Yup!.
His favourite movie of all time is Wall Street. He knows this movie word for word literally... he knows every line that Micheal Douglas says, and Charlie Sheen says, and even some of Darryl Hannah!
I watched it once thought it was good but felt no desire to see it again.
After Wall Street, he is a if it has a car chase, unnecessary explosions, gun-wielding, please show some more breast movie kind of guy.

Should I have taken that as a consideration as a sign that there would be fights, arguments even over what to watch on the tube or at the theater probably. Maybe

However I am finding it hard to base the success of our union on our similar or not similar taste in movies.
Because though we have differing tastes in movies and sitcoms we have managed to find common viewing material that doesn't gross the other out. And by the way we both love Star Wars LOL

Does your tv/movie style differ to your significant other?

Would you not be in a relationship or not get married to someone if they loved a particular movie? What is that?

What is your favourite show/movie?

Like sand in an hourglass

2011-04-09T13:27:00.000-07:00

Just like the sands in an hourglass
time just seems to be slipping away
down a glass casing
meddling into the other grains till you can't distinguish
the first grain with the last.

That is how it been lately in my life
crazy busy
so busy that I am not even sure whether
it is today or yesterday.

So I was really shocked but not surprised that
almost an entire month has slipped on by
and not an update has occurred on the blog.
Sigh

But life is getting back to normal so I suspect you would see more posts

Until then have a great weekend.

Life happens

2011-03-10T14:19:00.000-08:00

Life happens
things are planned
but they are changed because
things happen to change it up.

So life happens
I had scheduled more posts but life happened to many of my moms and then
askew went my schedule OOps

And then I got sick and so did the children
and lo and behold
Oops
askew went everybody elses schedule :D

But I am back on schedule and feeling a good bit healthier
so all being well I hope to be posting more like usual.

Marriage is like that by the way
you may have things planned to go a certain way and a
to do things in a certain way
but it never does
you may think you want children a particular time
and there you go
they come too early or they are hard hard to conceive.
Jobs may make you leave the house you knew you and your spouse would live in together
or you have to leave the country you so loved.

Your attitude is key in how you handle these changes in a marriage and life!
Keep it positive and even those times that are not sailing smooth would feel bareable.
Well that is how I feel.

By the by if there is any of you who would like to post their AHA Love moment please give me a shout and I would be happy to share it here :)

That Aha Moment- Meet Nicole!

2011-02-18T14:57:00.000-08:00

In honour of Valentines Love season and with the help of some of my blogger friends I introduce the first in a short series -

The question I am asking is and they happily agree to answer:

Do you remember that AHA moment when you KNEW he was the one, that this was it. This was the man you were going to marry!

I am so happy to have my friend Nicole of "When Did I become my Mom!" answer this question:
A little intro -Nicole like me is from the sunny twin isle of Trinidad and Tobago. Trinidad is currently in the Carnival season. Carnival is the greatest most beautiful show/street party in the world... hey I may be biased but that is okay I am a Trini LOL.

Carnival fever is here! The beat of life changes - there's an energy of joyful, suspenseful anticipation in the air.
For us Trinis, Carnival Monday and Tuesday are like the ultimate stress release valve.
We forget our cares and worries, and enjoy being people - in tune with the music and vibrance and friendship that's wrapped up in the ultimate street party!

For me, that stress release valve starts opening for real at Panorama - where steelbands battle it out for the crown of Pan Champions.
As one friend describes it - it's the embodiment of the audacity of hope of my people.
The steelpan is only musical instrument invented in the 20th century and each pan begins as an abandoned oil drum.
Tuned and beaten over fire, it is destined to be transformed into tenor, guitar, cello, bass, and join together in a symphony of steel, melodies of a people coaxed with rubber-tipped sticks.

THAT is Panorama!

A celebration of wonder and possibility of daring to believe!

I never miss it.

For more reasons than one.

You see, if it wasn't for Panorama, I'd never have met my husband.

The son of a pan-man, he never misses Panorama either. He has a love for the steel - I have a love for what it represents.
Every year, I would see him. Every year we'd strike up conversation.
We didn't have friends in common, but such is the "all of we is one" of Carnival.
He was funny and reckless, but we'd never see each other again for the rest of the year - our social circles being totally out of sync.

But every year I would wonder....

In 2000 I returned to Panorama after a 4 year absence, having been abroad pursuing my Bachelor's degree.
I was back for good, and this was my first Carnival in 4 years - I was intent on enjoying every moment of it!
Returning to Panorama again... I wondered... would I see him.

I did.

We had a great time. And we drew stares of surprise -from his friends and mine. :-)

We made arrangements to meet at the next fete. And the next, and the next.

And I knew.

I think I always knew.

This year marks our 10th wedding anniversary. It's not til June, but we'll be celebrating early.

After all... this weekend is Panorama!

If you would like to join in please send me an email at gaylenjcdotgmaildotcom I would be happy to post it!

That A-Ha your it moment...

2011-02-14T09:30:00.000-08:00

The first time I ever laid eyes on the guy that would be my husband
was say the second month of my college life.
I was sitting in 'the pit' soaking in the college vibe
and then this guy caught my eye.
What a surreal movie moment
It was as if light was surrounding him
a spot light shining down from the heaven
There he walked dressed in suit and tie swinging a briefcase
( yes I did say we were in college but he is preppy like that... picture a black Micheal J. Fox)
and I thought wow now that is a good looking fella
That is the guy I am going to marry!
Screech!!!!!!!!!! What was that... where did that come from!
I instantly panicked because it was the strangest sensation I just knew that it was true even though we had not even met. It didn't help that I didn't plan to get married ever and also I was in a long-distance relationship already to confuse the brain.
So I quickly chastised my self and let it slip out of my mind.
But as faith would have it
The guy introduced himself a month later, we did the friend thing for a bit and
when we were both single
we gave it a try
and
as I predicted
it felt right
we felt right
and I did want to marry him in the end!

Today marks 12years that we have been married actually
fun times... we have had our high notes and we have had some pretty tough low notes
but looking forward to many more happy high notes!
Happy Anniversary to me... to us :D

In honour of Valentines Day and with the help of some of my blogger friends today I kick off a short series -

The question I am asking is and they happily agree to answer:

Do you remember that AHA moment when you KNEW he was the one, that this was it. This was the man you were going to marry!

Oh and if you would like to join in please send me an email at gaylenjcdotgmaildotcom I would be happy to post it!

Happy Happy Valentines to you!

I'm in the mood for love...

2011-02-10T19:34:00.000-08:00

simply because you are near me. lalalalalala

I have been humming that tune all day.
Pretty normal for this time of year

I love Valentines
I think it is the hearts

I love hearts
Maybe something to do with my first ever crush and his name being Hart.

Yeah probably that
maybe not

however Valentines gives me the excuse to wear hearts
wear red and pink if I choose
and to fling red heart confetti around
woohoo.

That being said I really don't have any expectations when it comes to Valentine's Day
I don't get into the whole chocolate and flowers thing
though I do love a beautiful bouquet.
hmmm and a stuffed animal

Before I got married it could come and go and it wouldn't matter.
But it is a little more special to me now
seeing that it is also my anniversary
So now I expect to at least go to lunch
and oh yes a gushy card LOL
sprouting words of love :D

What about you what are your expectations for this season of LOVE?
Dinner and a movie?
Fancy sit down dinner with wine?
Or cuddle time at home with some popcorn on the couch?
Gifts of sweet candy and long stemmed roses? Love those too :)

You know I am curious!

Excuse while I sprinkle you with heart confetti.
Have a heart-filled weekend.

45 lessons on life

2011-02-07T08:40:00.000-08:00

I very rarely get an email that I think is appropriate to share on Great Expectations but I am really enjoying this one and think you would too.
Tell me what you think!


This is something we should all read at least once a week!!!!!

Make sure you read to the end!!!!!!
Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the
Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio :
To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.

It is the most requested column I've ever written.
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here
is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.


2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.


3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick.

  Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.


10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.


11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.


12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.


13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea

    what their journey is all about.


14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.


15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye.

    But don't worry; God never blinks.


16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.


17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.


18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.


19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood.

    But the second one is up to you and no one else.


20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't

    take no for an answer.


21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.

    Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.


22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.


23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.


25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.


26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words

    'In five years, will this matter?'


27. Always choose life.


28. Forgive everyone everything.


29. What other people think of you is none of your business.


30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.


31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.


32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.


33. Believe in miracles.


34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of

    anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.


36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.


37. Your children get only one childhood.


38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.


39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.


40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw

    everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.


41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come...


43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

                               
I really like #25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

What about you!

Have a great week all

Saying Thanks

2011-01-28T20:13:00.000-08:00

We are already one month into 2011 already can you believe it.

Boy have I been scarce...too many things on the plates. Most importantly focusing on achieving some sort of balance with my four kiddies.

I feel compelled to send a big smile at two blog friends who always ALWAYS visit and most importantly comments on my posts.
It warms my heart and makes me smile every time I see their comments because their blogs are two of my favourites haunts.
Thanks to Paula of Two Ellie and Mrs. French
and Andrea of Multiple Mama
Love them to bits.

I am also appreciative of the 10-12 persons that pass through daily. Not sure who you are but nice to have you!

Have a great weekend all

I am the Queen!

2011-01-11T10:32:00.000-08:00

I watched The Young Victoria with Emily Blunt yesterday
I thought it was great
but that is because I think I have a bias for period pieces especially English pieces.
It was my favourite time in history even when I did it in class. Actually I am wrong I loved the time when King Henry VIII was in reign ( I wouldn't want to live then but there was so much going historically with religion and politics WOW!) The clothes if you had money was ridiculous love it
Anyway the movie was a sweet lovestory
and I am smittened.

My favourite line and is one I wish I could use and get away with in my life:

You are JUST my husband I am the Queen and you WILL do as I say !

Yup it was good.
Don't you just wish you could say that sometimes... ok all the times LOL.
However, their marriage was according to the movie about sharing, caring and compromise.
She clearly loved her husband because 40 years after his death she was still putting out his clothes for the day.
No that is love.

What little special act do you do each day for you significant other?

Don't worry I can't think of any either... though I do ensure he has a vitamin every day to eat with his meal.
Does that count :)

Some days...

2011-01-05T13:57:00.000-08:00

you just feel to scream!

The way you handle those days
will define how you act .

So do you find a good pillow to let out that lusty scream into?
Or how about that empty bathroom around the back?
Or do you call a friend who will scream
Or does your kitchen get a scrub down?

I am still working on letting out and diffusing my scream
though a drive around the block then a blog walk did a good job of
making things fall back into place.

Though I think if you need to scream
let it out!
LET IT OUT
you will feel better for it.

Open the door!

2010-12-30T17:14:00.000-08:00

Photo credits: http://www.christinadimitriadis.com

To my children a closed door is meant to be opened.
There are no inhibitions
No concerns
No fears
They just turn the knob and push it open.

It made me think...
as adults we have been taught to tread lightly around closed doors.
Closed doors are meant to stay closed until someone welcomes us in.

And don't we use this same thinking when it comes to people and relationships
Some issues we just stand and wait to be welcomed in.
We see them as closed doors that we have to rap gingerly/timidly at .

What if we adopt a childlike attitude to closed doors and other situations like them
Instead of seeing the closed door as a blocked opportunity or relationship
We work on finding a way to open it!

May 2011 be the year that we all see the wonderful possibilities that lay behind those doors.

See you next year!

Five days count down till Christmas....

2010-12-20T13:55:00.000-08:00

I just love Christmas

Here are five things I was thinking would be great for you to say just before Christmas:

Tell your significant other

Day 5 You're Wonderful. (just because)
Day 4                   I think you are beautiful/handsome
Day 3                   Of course you are right! :) ( ok couldn't help but snicker at this one too)
Day 2                   Dance with me ( music not required)
Day 1                   Love you more
and on

Christmas day say them all together with a huge Merry Christmas of course.

Oh and wouldn't it be great if you pretended that there is huge swag of mistletoe hanging over head and bestowed Christmas kisses all week long :)

(of course if you have mistletoe by all means whip it out)
Just a thought

Why bother...

2010-12-13T16:59:00.000-08:00

Why do we let these insignificant things get under our skin?

empty roll or which is the correct way to hang the roll LOL

uncovered toothpaste tube, or worse squeezed in the middle

laundry

Forgotten garbage.

At the end of the day these are all minor things that we should never dwell on or allow to grow into to huge big things.
Focus on the big picture
Talking your relationship here!
and then these things are really as insignificant as the are suppose to be.

Just a thought.
Are any of these things that get under your skin?
Is there anything else that could make this list?
How do you handle it?

Managing the hubbie

2010-12-03T16:57:00.000-08:00

The other day I was blushing from all the wonderful compliments that my hubbie was unexpectantly piling on me.

All of a sudden I was
the BEST MOTHER EVER
and while we were at it I was
the BEST WIFE EVER
(his words not mine!)

what caused this surge of emotion? you may be wondering
well he actually listened to me
yes yes you heard right he listened to me
mind you I very quietly said the thing over and over for about four day and NO I didn't NAG LOL!

Yes he listened to me and did something with his mother that not only made his mother happy it actually made him feel good!
hmmm can you feel the rumbling of that I TOLD YA SO coming out from deep within.

well luckily for him it didn't come LOL.
because this is one thing that I know for sure falls in my portfolio.
I am the one that is responsible for birthdays, celebrations and proper mother etiquette LOL
and strangely this role doesn't phase me at all.

Are you the one that is responsible for maintaining family relations?
Do you mind it?
What different role do you have that you embrace and just doesn't phase you?

And the sun will set!

2010-11-28T20:30:00.000-08:00

Steel Magnolia is one of my favourite movies.
I may have seen it a few thousand times.
Yet I laugh out loud,
I giggle
and a cry up a storm
and just when I am sinking into the tears
I am laughing again.
Every single time!

I watched it today and for the first time it hit me, as I watched the family deal with Shelby's (Julia Roberts) impending death and the decision to take her off of life support, the importance of knowing each other wishes if ever a situation like that was to happen.

Would you want to stay on life support as long as is possible or would you rather have a non-resuscitate order written down somewhere?
How about when you do die will you be buried, cremated or sunk at sea (okay buried)?
A will? Yes one is needed, but how soon do you get one?

Yes today my favourite movie had me thinking some seemingly morbid thoughts.
Though they may be morbid. They are reality.
They are thoughts that should be expressed a few times with your significant other because just as life happens so is death inevitable.

So do you have a plan? Have you ever thought of what you would do?
( I haven't but thinking about it now)

Parenting!

2010-11-24T13:29:00.000-08:00

I am the strict parent
I am the Bad Cop to my husband's Good Cop
Most days I find myself being the non-fun parent while the hubbie is reveling in all his funness (yes I made it up!)

Some days I feel like how Claire felt in last week's Modern Family why can't it be me?!
I want to be the fun parent!
LOL

Where am I going with this you may be wondering!

Well even though we may have slightly different roles when it comes to parenting, the one thing that we tend to work together on is our parenting.

We have similar ideas on how our children are to be raised.
We have similar ideas on the disciplining of our children.
We have similar expectations when it comes to being a parent.

Not saying that we don't knock heads over certain things like diet and supplements and certain therapies for our son on the spectrum or how much is too much sugar for our neuro-typical daughter. But for the most part we agree!

I believe that parenting on the whole is hard! Adding differing parenting styles to the pot puts way too much grief and strain in a marriage. If ever there was a discussion that should be had before the wedding would also be this one.
Along with the -do you want children?, how many do think would you like?
You need to ask -So how was your upbringing? What kind of parent do you think you will be

I believe you need to know if your significant other to be is a spanker, a belt wielder, a long talker, or a time outer. And then you go in there knowing what you are dealing with!

Joanna Goddard of Cup of Jo did a series 'Secrets of a Happy Marriage' last year and I am reminded of this couple as I write this post. The wife - Leigh says it perfectly:

We're madly in love, have tons of fun together and experience a strong mutual physical attraction. But our shared beliefs about family continue to be an integral part of our marriage. Now that we have our own children, I'm so grateful to have found a mate with whom the journey of parenthood is a joy, not a source of strife.

So as I said even though I may not be the fun parent to my children by allowing a treat every night especially on a night after a class party filled with all the cake and ice cream that a daughter can eat. I know that my hubbie agrees with me and wouldn't give it behind my back. And similarly I know there will be days when the giggling can not end and it will be the hubbie who is playing bad cop to my good!

It is definitely something to think about!

Muah!

2010-11-16T09:57:00.000-08:00

Men who kiss their partners before leaving for work average higher incomes than those who don’t.

Isn't that an interesting fact to know LOL!
I stumbled upon this list on Yahoo yesterday 10 quirky facts about kissing and had to share it with you all.

I have lifted the one I love:

A simple peck uses two muscles; a passionate kiss, on the other hand, uses all 34 muscles in your face. Now that’s a rigorous workout!
Talk about a rush! Kissing releases the same neurotransmitters in our brains as parachuting, bungee jumping, and running.

Like fingerprints or snowflakes, no two lip impressions are alike.

And of course the one I started with.

Do you remember to kiss your significant other when they leave through the door?
When they get back?

I don't remember, But look at the benefits I am missing
Today is a good day as any to start smooching!

Missing in Action and a Wedding

2010-11-12T08:10:00.000-08:00

In case you are wondering I have been away .

I know I should have had the forethought and scheduled some posts or guest post or something

BUT I didn't SORRy

I went with the twins to my birth land -Trinidad

for my best friends wedding :)

Traveling with babies is no fun

especially ones that cry on planes

but the trip home was lovely.

This is my friend's first and dare I say it final marriage!
If she were to ask this is the advice I would give to her
(well whether she ask or not I am sharing it with her LOL)

Love each other!
Be clear on both your expectations! Is he expecting a cooked meal every day even though both you are working are you?
Talk to each other- Remember to always find time to talk to each other. Spend at least 10 minutes with each other a day. (because life gets in the way)
Make a choice to stay married.
Accept each other differences.
Don't sweat the small stuff- it doesn't matter if the tooth paste cap is left off or the toilet roll is turned wrong
Always always make time to be intimate :)

Yup that is just a few of the things I would share with my friend!

Have a great weekend!

2010-11-01T21:54:00.000-07:00

My 7yr old daughter proclaimed very matter-of-factly this week that school is too hard and that she would be staying home next year instead of moving up to Grade 3!

Feeling sad, I had to give her a hug because I knew that this was only the beginning.
The work is guaranteed to add up and maybe become even harder!
So I sat her down and reminded her that everything is hard in the beginning and
with practice,
practice and
more practice
you would soon find that the same thing that she once found to be hard would be as easy as pie.
And cited my favourite example of her ability to cartwheel.
The need to do the cartwheel perfect from the beginning used to bring her to tears
but with some cajoling she practiced and practiced until now she is a cartwheel expert.

Too hard!
Sometimes aspects of marriage can feel too hard to bear...
But you know what if you keep in mind that to be the best at anything you have to practice, practice, practice.

practice at communication,
practice at being loving,
practice at supporting
practice at being the best wife/husband possible
Then you will be on your way to perfecting that cartwheel
or in this case marriage
And before you know it you can have the marriage that you been dreaming of!

Or in other words anything worth its salt is worth working at it!

Yes Dear

2010-10-29T09:22:00.000-07:00

Do you ever find yourself just saying 'Yes Dear'

The hubster is moving his office.
No problem that is cool right!
Well the hubster is moving his office into our home for a month and scheduled it while he would also be in Miami on a trip!

Hmmmmm

Pretty sharp eh scheduling a move this Saturday and then leaving town.
And leaving his wife to 'deal with it'.
I thought it was genius... next time we move house I am going to leave town too LOL.

Between the two of us we fight to show which one hates moving more and I guess I have to give it to him because when we moved house two years ago he was also MIA. That move was almost the end of us. LOL.... it was then that I came up with my good words backup.

This time I commented on his genius and the fact that not only would I be missing my class (which ordinarily wouldn't a big thing if I hadn't just planned a meeting for that class with my group) to which he said 'it's not always about you- Gayle... it has to be done! That is the day that the mover can do it'

And my response was 'Yes Dear!'
I could have gotten annoyed, well I was a bit miffed and I could have sulked, but hey I would still have to miss my class and I would still have to supervise the move.
No matter if I sulked or stormed so I chose to not react negatively and
I will ensure that the place is not 'cluttered' because that will bug me and then he would be slapped.
At least he dealt with the small stuff. That is a huge positive.
I also saw a look of being overwhelmed by the situation so with those two little words I made a decision to give support rather than grief.

Do you ever find yourself simply saying YES DEAR ! sometimes?
Do you make a habit of seeing the positive? (what can I say I am a chronic Pollyanna)

I appreciate you!

2010-10-25T12:09:00.000-07:00

Now this topic is a little hard for me
well because I am still fighting it! LOL

In all the couples advice available you would surely find the line
Be sure to thank your spouse!
Show him that you appreciate when he does something so that he feels good about it and continues to do it!

HMMMMmm
My response has always been (mentally)
WHY!
Why do I have to say thank you because
the hubbie has:
looked after the children...isn't that his job as well?
if he has cooked breakfast AND left behind a tornando style mess in the kitchen... shouldn't he be helping out anyway?
taken out the garbage or cuts the lawn...once again isn't that what he is supposed to do?

However it hit me yesterday that if I got off of my high horse and thought about it a minute everyone loves being appreciated.

Why this revelation?
Well the hubbie and the children took the time to mention that they were enjoying breakfast :)

They didn't have to do it but it sure made the tolling in the kitchen worth it!
Thinking back I remember a time my mother having a fit because no one mentioned how lovely her meal was.
We were all under the age of 11 so not one of us thought to mention it even though it did taste good albeit it did have onions in it which I happen to despise to this day.

So here is the thing,
we all like being praised, thanked and appreciated.
We love it when our hubbie tells us we are beautiful even though we know otherwise...geez pjs and morning hair are never a great combo.
We love when a meal is praised, appreciated and eaten all up.
We love it when you get a kiss for being the best Mummy ever!
And all of those mentioned fall under things that 'you are supposed to do'.

So on the day that the hubbie is posturing for a trophy or an award after cleaning the kitchen for 'you'* (yeah that once in a blue moon time) be nice and be sure to say
THANK YOU and really be thankful.

*(ps now this is just an example because God knows the moon would have to be purple before my hubbie would help clean LOL)

Good Morning Sunshine!- la deuxième partie

2010-10-22T21:34:00.000-07:00

Saying anything in French always makes things seem so much more romantic.
la deuxième partie meaning part 2
(for those of us that are not remotely bilingual)

Anyway the best way to combat the grumpys and possibly eliminate it all together is by taking control of the situation.

My two favourite solutions come from two unlikely sources.

The first comes from Joyce Meyer
Charismatic Christian author and speaker:

Before you actually get out of the bed you should roll into a hug with your significant other. Release your self into the hug and presto you both are off to a good start.
Joyce and her hubby starts off their day this way.
I made a point of doing this for 1 week straight and I have to say it really did make a difference to the grumpy level in the morning.
You should definitely try it.

EditingMySpace.com - More Hugs Comments

The second comes from one of the contributors to
'Chicken Soup for the Christian Soul2' .

This trick is to put out a positive outlook to the day by saying these two simple phrases:
'I love you... today is going to be a Great Day!'
The writer said it every Sunday to her entire family to help motivate her family to get ready and reach to church without any fuss or grumpyness or dragging of feet.
I decided to try it with my hubbie and my family and I have to say that there is something to saying positive words aloud.
It is almost like putting up a positivity shield around everyone.
Everytime I say these words to the hubbie he smiles.
And you know that is all that is what it is for!

So remember give a hug then say I love... today is going to be a Great Day!

Have a great weekend!

Must I do everything around here!?

2010-10-19T14:35:00.000-07:00

'must I do everything around here'- my husband's favourite line.

I do believe he says that just to get under my skin
I think he likes to see the hairs on my neck rise up at attention and the vein on my head strain as I practice biting my tongue.
like most thing in our marriage I let it slide
Because really is it necessary to hit him with the frying pan because he said something idiotic...
no it is not because at the end of it all it would be me tending to the bruise!
like I need more things to take care of! LOL
(for the record I don't believe in violence)

In the beginning of our marriage it would bug me more because I was working full time, dealing with the extra-curriculars of both children and making sure everything in the house was in order. He on the other hand was working for himself- 'exploring his options' ( he is a self taught web designer and innovator) and trying his hand on volunteer coaching. Yeah it would bug me a whole lot then.

I went away for a week one time and it provoked him into saying that I left him to take care of his life and my life. If I didn't know how stressed he was!. huh?!
My life being the children and everything else; his life being just him.
I could have throttled him.

Instead I did what I always do I tried to put myself in his shoes and I was able to rationalize that he did indeed have his role.
I may have been the more stable breadwinner
BUT
he was responsible for getting those bills paid; for doing the budget and making sure we stayed on it; for keeping gas in the car, oh and that the car stayed 'healthy'; and for any thing that involved a form or a document.
hmmm he did have a lot on his plate!

Time happened we added more children to the family and my pregnancies though easy enough and uneventful usually start off with a dire warning of 'don't lift anything but your elbow' and he did take more and then I got pregnant with the twins and he basically took everything on because I was so pained up and tired ALL the time!

He did the groceries
picked up the children
bought me nutritious not always delicious meals but always good for me and my growing belly for breakfast and lunch
was responsible for bathing the children- bathing children is so taxing I would be a wreck each time or is it just my children LOL
and he also had taken on his father's business with a whole can of stress.

All of this on top of what he used to do before!
I really gained an appreciation for him through this third pregnancy. My hero.

Even now that things have gotten less chaotic with me bodywise he still takes responsibilty for the groceries and he bathes/supervises the older children... what a relief!
So now when he say must i do everything around here?! I say yes and smile because he may not do everything but it is pretty darn close.

Alisa Bowman of Project Happily Ever After said this:

many spouses probably walk around with this simmering resentment about their partners who seemingly do so little around the house. Little do they know that their partners have the same resentment about them. Fascinating, right?

And I knew this was true for us at least, because this was a topic I had been piecing together to share here and saw that she was tackling the same issue there.

So I suggest you read her post ( I like how she breaks down the division and allocation of tasks) then think about what exactly it means when you or the significant other shouts
MUST I DO EVERYTHING AROUND HERE!

9 Things Every Couple Must do!

2010-10-12T11:07:00.000-07:00

I stumbled onto the Bucket List Journey by Annette Renee White recently!
'Cause that is what I do I blog walk, stroll and at times stumble.
Stumble meaning that I basically clicked on a link which led me to another link and then bam I am on a cool site... I am somewhat addicted :)
Oh I digress...
I stumbled onto her blog and fell in love with her concept because I as you know recently put together my own bucket list of sorts. See here!
Imagine an entire space dedicated to carrying out your bucket list so cool!
And she wrote this and of course I had to share it with you so with out further ado I reblog :

Bucket List for Couples {9 Things Every Couple Must Do}

A couples relationship should be filled with experiences that create wonderful memories, bring them closer together and non-verbally say "I love you". Here are nine ways to start designing your life together.
1. Couples Massage
A couples massage is one of the hottest treatments at luxury spas all over the world. What could be more romantic than lying side-by-side with your significant other in the most relaxing environment?
2. Write a Love Letter
Let's bring it back to old school; the days where letters were handwritten, sealed with a kiss and mailed at the post office. Love letters are a physical memory that will last a lifetime.
3.Cook Dinner Together
Food and romance have be linked throughout history, mix in some intriguing conversation and you have the best date night ever. The dishes that you create on this night will become a significant part of celebrating other events in your lifetime.
3. Have a Picnic
Break out the old picnic basket, pack your favorite bottle of wine, pick a secluded outdoor getaway and create a memory.
4. Stay up all Night, Laughing
There are many reasons that we stay up all night, how many of them include just laughing?
5. Sing a Karaoke Duet
12 years ago, my husband and I sang "Summer Nights" from Grease at a local Karaoke club. Though the musicality left much to be desired and they actually turned the volume down on my microphone, it is an experience that we still talk about.
6. Carve your Names into a Tree
I typically would not recommend defacing a living object, but in the name of Bucket Lists I will have to break this rule.
7. Dress up for Halloween
Fairy tales can come true, at least on Halloween. What could bring a couple closer together than looking completely ridiculous as a team?
8. Kiss on Top of the Ferris Wheel
Some of the most romantic movies feature a smooch on the tippy-top of the Ferris Wheel.
9. Watch the sunset & rise in one day
You might be able to complete this one as well as, #3 {Have a Picnic} & #4 {Stay Up All Night, Laughing} all in one day! Now that's the ultimate in multi-tasking.

Annette with her honey

Hope it inspired you as it did me.
I love #4 have to try it

Do you fight good?

2010-10-08T12:06:00.000-07:00

As in any relationship my husband and I have been having some ups and some downs.
Recently we have been more down than up but that is how it is sometimes right!
Once again we had a spat.
One that has me annoyed, so annoyed that I am committing one of the grievious sins of marital bliss.
I am not talking.
I have actually been SILENT for a week.
YES I know I am being passive aggressive,
sigh but I know if I talk I may not like what comes out of my mouth
because I am still working on how I deliver my words so that they build up rather than break down. Need lots of work!

Right now however we are employing something that Corey of a Simple Marriage calls Unfair Fighting.
Hmmm yeah we do not fight fair the past always creeps in and then we get grumpy. Corey says this about unfair fighting:

Unfair fighting. While disagreements and arguments are bound to happen, it’s vital to stay on topic in the discussion. Bringing up all your partner’s faults and failings doesn’t help the situation. Neither does raising your voice. As my grandfather would say, anytime a person raises their voice in a conversation, it’s about power and pride.

I did some more searching and I found an article on Buzzle.com- is 'Quarrelling Healthy in Marriages?'
The last two paragraphs to me is most relevant to this post.. so I will end it with that--

It is dangerous to belittle your partner or mention his weaknesses during a quarrel. In some people’s tantrum, they say things that hurt their mate so much only to regret saying them later. A quarrel is constructive when the partners discuss the issues of disagreement and learn to communicate with each other.

A quarrel should purge your mind of your earlier tensions, resentments, fears and anxieties. No two people can live for years without some problems, conflicts and pains. Therefore quarreling is healthy.

May your weekend be quarrel free but if it isn't be sure to keep it healthy !

Just wondering...

2010-10-07T11:33:00.000-07:00

They say that a girl usually runs off and finds a guy that is unerringly like her father or most unlike her father and then marries him.
And a guy definitely goes seeking his mother!
Did you do that?

I didn't do that I went off and looked for the guy that is the most like my mother and married him.
Well not on purpose it just happened that way.
Isn't that strange? Well I think it is strange
I think it is because I lived with my mother more than with my father.They have been divorced since I was three.

My mother is strong, opinionated, interfering, agrumentative, generous, supportive, giving and a totally awesome individual.
Just like my husband.
luckily they get along... but the hubbie can only be with her for small amounts of time. LOL

By the way my dad is the sweetest man ever.

The hubster actually found his mother. It is actually quite eerie.
My mother in law and I kinda look alike, so much so when we go out together and she introduces me as her daughter -in- law, people only hear the daughter part and believe it. She is shorter though and much more chesty .
We also think alike which drives him nutty LOL so when she is around I just let her speak because she would say what I am thinking and he never gets testy with her.

So who did you go looking for when you went looking for you significant other?
Or should I say who did you find?

A piece of the housework pie...

2010-10-05T10:09:00.000-07:00

Somedays,
especially weekends,
when the lion's share of the family work falls on me I find myself getting grumbly and grumpy.
Why can't I just chill?
Why do I have to do the homework? Can't you see that mess that the children are making?
Why can't I get some help over here? Yes you dude the one lounging on the couch vegging on football!
Why do I feel like a single parent?

hmmm

To combat this grumpiness I have recently started thinking about those women or men who are married to or together with someone in the army and stationed overseas, or to pilots who fly the foreign skies or even doctor, firefighters or policemen.

These men/women are very rarely home and I could be wrong but I feel that their significant others wouldn't waste their time grumbling about the share of work once their hubbies were home.

My brother-in-law is a commercial pilot and I know his wife doesn't grumble she just gets it done... because at the end of it all the time they have together is so much more important.
I wonder if I could be so even about doing everything like a single parent but not really.

So I remind myself of these people on those days that I am grumping about feeling like I do all the work and murmuring that if feels as if I was a single parent. Because some people have no choice but to do it all themselves even though they are couple. Oh and now I am thinking about those persons tending to a sick partner as well as keeping the household going! They really have to do it almost alone so I guess i will definitely stop grumping now :)

What coping techniques do you have to keep sane? Or should I say less grumpy?
Does it involve brownies? or cupcakes?

( I know I know the picture of the pie has nothing to do with the post but I just like pumpkin pie!)

Freaky Little Nicole

2010-09-30T20:34:00.000-07:00

Well lo and behold

A little depression over Jamaica turned into a full-blown storm named Nicole!

She was scary because she was sneaky

no one really expected her to be anything

but

a little rain with some gusty winds,

but she was more!

With the clap of her hands and the flash of her jewellry

she was destructive

she tore down- houses and roofs

she built up- gullies turned into sidewalks

And when she was finished she moved on leaving her groupies behind
and became a wave and made her way to Miami

The thing about storms and the power outage that ensues it leaves you with lots and lots of time on your hand.
You can't go out because the rains are torrential ( okay just wanted to write that word) very heavy
and you cant watch tv or blog because there are no lights!
So at first the nerves get frayed and small arguments erupt
but if you lucky you get bored of those and then
woohoo conversations happen and even some listening!
And if you are not exhausted by the sheer stress of the weather and the no lights situation
then some intimacy will definitely occur. See here for examples.

:)

Happy that the rain though still going is not as heavy and that we are getting back to normal and yes we have lights and some water back as well!

Good Morning Sunshine!

2010-09-27T09:30:00.000-07:00

It's morning time!
So are you a jump out of bed smiling kinda person
OR
Are you grumpus I really don't like you right now because I need more sleepus?

Honestly I am some where in the middle.
Before you speak to me in the morning I need my cup of tea!
if you speak to me before that I probably wouldn't be grumpy but I will be groggy and will take a loooong time to compute what is being said to me.
The hubbie most morning, however, is a huge ball of prickly.
Whether it be the early rise
or
his brain just simply busy thinking of his extensive to-do-list... not sure
but he is surely not the best conversationalist in the morning.

And to the groggy mind he can off rather standoffish and curt!

Lucky for him I understand and give him his waking time and by 45 minutes he is his bright shiny self again.
It made me think though of the times when I didn't understand him as good as I do now and my entire day would be ruined by some prickly comment or non comment of his.
Because I would naturally have to give the silent treatment and he being in his own world would easily miss it so the silent treatment and the anger would persist in me and by the end of the day I wouldn't want to see him much less hug him!
Sigh if I only knew then what I know now there would be so much more hugging and less grumpiness on my part LOL.

How are you in the morning?
Do you need your space to wake up and get sorted?
Or do you need conversation and a good cup of coffee to get you going?
Have you ever been so prickly that ouch it hurt?
Has it happen to you?

It is not that easy...

2010-09-25T17:55:00.000-07:00

We watched Date Night recently.
You know the one with Tina Fey and Steve Carell.
It is funny
It made us laugh
It was a perfect choice for our in-house date night!

After all the laughs and giggles this is what stuck with me... Steve Carell's character told his wife that he wanted to help out but she wouldn't let him and that it wasn't fair that she was annoyed that she had to do everything ( okay so I paraphrase the lines but it went something like that)

How many of us are guilty of this? I know I am.
If I was to ask a show of hands I am sure I would see pretty much the whole room.
For one I know I would love to ask but the time it takes to get the deed done I usually just find it easier to do it myself.

I have read elsewhere that you should learn to 'delegate' to your significant other and just close your eyes to how it is done and just appreciate that it is being done.

Hmmm

Not sure I can do that. I always wonder why if you know what I like and how I like things done then when you are doing it why wouldn't you try to at least match it to the best of your ability such as folding towels.
Don't you like itwhen it is folded in eights and not just rolled into a ball?

I always think it is cool that the hubbie helps with breakfast (usually every blue moon or soon) but I could never ever understand why the original location of the milk, juice, ice and hot chocolate is so quickly forgotten by him. And gee knives perched on the toaster oven is an usual occurrence.

I guess what I am getting at is this why couldn't it be a case where the hubbie really does it the way it should be not just some hurried ...well you know I am doing you a favour kind of way.
Hey we have to learn his idiosyncracies?

What do you think about that?
Are you able to just close your eyes and share the tasks?
Is it you that needs to get with his program?

I got an award :)

2010-09-23T11:16:00.000-07:00

I am beyond ecstatic about getting my first blogger award ever.
Doing a happy dance

Especially after my last post it warmed my heart to receive the Versatile Blogger Award from Silent Chatter. :D

The rules for winning this award are as follows:

* Thank and link back to the person who gave you the award.

* Share 7 things about yourself.

* Pass the award along to 15 other bloggers who you recently discovered and think are fabulous.

* Contact the bloggers you chose and let them know about the award.

So thank you thank you Silent Chatter for making my day and for your informative blog.

7 things about me hmmm:

In February 2011 I would be married 12 years.
I very rarely blog about being a parent to a child with autism or for that matter the trial of being a mother of twins and as such four children.
I do think I am addicted to blogging and tweeting. (she shakes her head LOL)
I think I despise homework more than my children do.
I love baking and I especially love cupcakes.
My children are my world
I am so thankful that God created technology :) because it allows me to speak to my sisters and my mother as often as I please even though I live a few thousand miles away from them

I give this award to:
http://luckydorito.com/
http://tamitwinfactory.blogspot.com/
http://www.momtriedit.net/
http://justcallmechris.blogspot.com/
http://whendidibecomemymom.com/
http://momsgotblog.blogspot.com/
http://www.multiplemama.com/
http://birdonthestreet.com/
http://devacoaching.com/
http://leslieautumn.blogspot.com/
http://myfluffybunnies.wordpress.com/
http://1000reasonsimabadmom.com/
http://twoellie.blogspot.com/

I see it one way ... How do you see it again?

2010-09-21T16:32:00.000-07:00

What a heated discussion we had this weekend!
And it was all centered around a locker room that neither of us have ever been.

As I have mentioned before communication is not our strongest point, well neither is our ability to have a discussion. It always leads to an argument.

Well maybe I should give a little back ground into the people that are my husband and me.
My hubbie is mostly neanderthal* with a little bit of 1980's slapped in there some where and a whole lot of locker room mentality. And I am a bra burning feminist woman can do anything man can do girlie..well without the bra burning ( I happen to love wearing a bra and the lift it gives hahaha) and I am kinda girlie.

It is no wonder we lock horns more time than not.
And what was the topic you are probably wondering... it was about the Mexican TV reporter Ines Sainz that has been causing quite a stir in sports media lately.

He said : "Are you seeing what she's wearing?!" while pointing at the screen
"those jeans are skin tight it is as if they were painted on!"
"And all that cleavage showing" ( well he said out of door but that is Jamaican lingo)
"She look for what she got... she was looking for trouble imagine that is how she went to work!"
Scrowl on face

I said: " What does her outfit have to do with the fact that the players were dropping their towels and heckling her. It shows a total lack of professionalism on their side"
Even if she was dressed inappropriately it still doesn't excuse how the players behaved!"

He said " This woman equality nonsense that you women won is foolishness! Look what it got you why is she even in the male locker room"
Those jeans were skin tight"

I said: "what does her outfit have to do with fact that they should have acted better!"

He said: "See this is why i don't like talking to you!"
Scrowl on face

I said: HUH
What did i say?!

silent treatment for half an hour LOL

I always forget that many times my hubbie would just like to be RIGHT. But seeing that I am ALWAYS RIGHT we have issues!
I have a hard time agreeing with something that goes against my thinking... but honestly why not who cares if Ines jeans were too tight or not ( She is Latin and you know they turn up the sex button at every chance)
Reality is I don't think that any interviews should be happening in any locker room anytime whether it is done by a male or a female. I just had to stick in my point that's all.

Corey from Simple Marriage has an interesting points on communication that to me ties in with this post give it a read.

What are your views on this silly discussion!
Do you think she looked for her treatment?
Do you think the men in their lockers should have been less meat head?
How about talking and not arguing is that possible?

*Oh and how could I forget my sweet, generous spirit husband is not really a neanderthal. He only gets that title when he beats his chest and goes UGh and that fortunately happens very rarely :D

Derailed

2010-09-10T18:37:00.000-07:00

Gee when I started this blog my intention was to blog every day!
Using this format as a way to organize my thoughts and kick-start my dream to write!
And I mean really write :)

And i did in the beginning.
I purposely kept the blog clean. Free from pictures, fancy type, clutter!

Every day I posted something and then it was every other day, then twice a week and now it seems to be once a week MAYBE lol

Somewhere along the way the purpose of this blog got sidetracked and I started to fret about readers, the design, comments or the lack there of, feedbacks
and this led me on a quest to make my blog better so that I would have more readers, comments and followers so forth.

I joined a fabulous community - Blogfrog and got sidetracked with commenting there and visiting all those wonderful blogs and commenting everywhere. I love stomping all through people's blogs and commenting.. can't help my self it is addictive :)

But still very little visits or comments to my space- felt depressed

And then I did the #31 DBB challenge... okay started but had to give up because it was summer and honestly it was overwhelming to me. Needing to attention my children had to take precedent over this blog.

It also didn't help that all of a sudden I couldn't get the words out of my brain.
AND my beloved hubbie the muse of this blog was pissing me off so royally that even my good words were not working. That passed though Phew!

Well school is back in session and

I pledged to discipline myself with my blogtrotting and as Nike says JUST DO IT :)

So with a renewed desire I am back to my blogging because though I don't have many comments I realized that I do have some friends who do check in on me and comment from time to time. So I will fret no more and continue to enjoy sharing what i have learned and am learning.

So what have you been up to?
Have you been melting down like me?
Or have you been enjoying life and blogging as you should?

Happy Weekend

2010-09-04T13:07:00.000-07:00

Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that doesn't seem to threaten their masculinity. To women, it's on the same domestic entry level as putting the spring back into the toilet-tissue holder or taking a chicken out of the freezer to thaw.
-- Erma Bombeck

Don't you just love Erma :)

Isn't this the sweetest?

2010-08-31T18:13:00.000-07:00

you have to click the image

(borrowed this from a site I frequent called the Sweeterie )

Communication

2010-08-28T13:35:00.000-07:00

Communication!
I have to admit is not our strong suit as a couple.
To be honest sometimes I feel that just the mere opening of my mouth causes frustration to my husband.. poor thing.
I have lots of Edith Bunker moments where I know I am right but my Archie husband has questioned me or shut me up and left me doubting myself and my point.
I must say we are working at it though but I guess it takes time. And it is over 12 years of fuzzy communication that we have to overcome after all.

Yesterday I found myself repeating over and over I will not take offense I will not take offense. I got over myself giggled and then it worked LOL.

But it made me think of the television couples that we have been exposed to over the years (well showing my age here the ones that I have been exposed to )
We have Edith and Archie Bunker- She was the epitome of the submissive wife
Then there is the Harts from Hart to Hart- To me they were the equally balanced wonderfully adoring couple.And of course what about the Bundys in Married with Children. Dysfunctional but they stayed together.
Have you ever wondered which couple you are most similar to?
Well so far I know that we are like Archie and Edith gee I even have her squeaky voice.
Aiming for Hart to Hart- money wise unattainable...for now. But couple wise I think they were cool. I also like Roseanne they may have been crass and loud but they talked and loved each other and their children. Yeah maybe we can be like Roseanne!
Which tv couple do you think you are most like? .. curious to see what you choose.
Happy Weekend by the way

Surround yourself with happiness

2010-08-23T09:28:00.000-07:00

Happiness is waking up to a bed full of children
as you are holding your hubbies hand!

Well to me anyway.
Recently I have been enamored with the picture of my friend and his wife.
She is looking adoringly up at him .... and they have two children. She also speaks lovingly and adoringly of him too and after two children.

I was so not adoring after my two children were born it seemed that all his/our faults were glaringly highlighted after the children's arrival like a very ripe pimple on your forehead the night of the prom.

I am always kind of jealous of women and men who continuously talk gushingly about how absolutely awesome their spouses are.

To be honest it kind of makes me feel like a heel because more time than not I am not gushing adoring about my hubbie because most days he gets under my skin and I am just plain pissed at him. And I am not the most affectionate person whether through words or gestures. Not saying that I am not loving just not mushy or huggy. (I have sensory issues she says smiling)

Of course it is all about attitude as seen in the new to me blog called "Gwen in Love" her post 'Good Intentions' states Your marriage will be so peaceful and happy if you live by the belief that you would never do anything to intentionally hurt your spouse. So true.

In the post she states that instead of getting all bitter and seeing the negative side of your significant other actions it would do you both good if you have a more positive outlook on the action.
Like instead of getting royally pissed that your husband keeps calling you when you are out with the girls because clearly he is checking up on you because he thinks you are up to no good... why not consider that he is worried about you driving home so late by yourself. Now this view has him as thoughtful and caring (by the way this works for guys as well).

Oh and also as this article at Forbes.com says it's best 'If you want to improve your relationship with your spouse, surround yourself with people in successful relationships.'
Can't argue with that!

So when you are feeling that you need to add a little adoration in your day, you should pull out your list of good words about your significant other and then give them a hug.

What is your idea of happiness?

The Newlywed Game and the Sunday Newspaper

2010-08-18T12:06:00.000-07:00

As much as we fight it... we watch way too much television.
And the popular programme of choice that we both can watch together is usually something reality or game related.
Recently we were watching the Newlywed Game (I blame my mother she is a game show network fanatic) :

One of the question asked was 'Which part of the Sunday Newspaper does your wife reach for?' And while I was thinking the comics of course...
the hubbie was saying 'Well the Style and Career section of course'

Can you guess who was right?!

Drumroll please.....

The hubster
Can you believe it.
I was shocked of course he was right he did know me better than I thought.

Growing up and into college the comics, then the entertainment /fashion section was my favourite read but over the last few years I do instinctively reach for the sections that he said after glancing at the front page headlines.
If we were on the game and this was the deciding question we will have lost the game because I would have answered incorrectly lol.
I think every couple should watch a game or two of the Newlywed Game...
yes it is a silly show and the contestants even sillier, but the questions asked sometimes are genius in their ability to foster communication and to add to your interesting couples only trivia facts.

Surprising at it may be when you least expect it your significant other just may be paying attention and may know you better than you think.
I say test it and see what comes out of it! You just may learn something you didn't know!

100 ok maybe 85 things

2010-08-12T16:11:00.000-07:00

During one of my blog walks I came across a blog I used to read www.chookooloonks.com/blog/
and she put together a life list that was pretty cool and made me think that I should do one too.
Well I hit the big 40 recently so yeah I definitely think it is a good idea.

so here we go
100 things I would like to do before I met my Master :)
in no particular order

1.) Hug a kaola bear
2) See if kangaroos really can be taught how to box
3.) Yeah I want to visit Australia and go walkabout for a few days circa Crocodile Dundee
4.) Take a pastry and cake decorating course
5.) Icing an entire wedding cake
6.) Write a How to Survive Autism in Jamaica guide
7.) Publish and distribute the guide
8.) learn to be organized
9.) Consistently reach to all events on time
10.) Beat procrastination
11.) Really learn to converse in Spanish
12.) Live somewhere else not Caribbean for three months or there abouts
13.) Wear red at a World Cup that Trinidad and Tobago is playing--- in maybe 2014? :)
14.) Be at the next World Cup
15.) Master the art of cupcake making
16.) Have my own successful greeting card and wedding invitation business
17.) Witness my son graduate from college with honours (yup that's right)
18.) Dance and be happy at all four children's weddings :)
19.) Learn to dance the flamenco
20.) and the salsa
21.) Learn to make a good salsa LOL
22.) Learn to make doubles and have them taste just like they do on the side of the road
23.) Write and publish three books
24.) See the light when taking photographs... it is the difference between taking just alright pictures and exceptional pictures
25.) Assist in a project to take the children off the streets in Jamaica
26.) Assist in the realizing and building of community homes for Young adults on the Autism Spectrum with the purpose of promoting independence
27.) Then spread it around the other Caribbean islands
28.) Grow my hair long enough to go into a french braid
29.) Change my hair colour at least once..a slightly outrageous colour might be nice.
30.) Move back to Trinidad to live
31.) Go on a speech free religious retreat
32.) Walk through a maze
33.) Really learn how to meditate
34.) Illustrate five children books
35.) Or find an illustrator
36.) Walk the red carpet-Oscar or Emmy with my sister in law
37.) Renovate and reconstruct the Gibson dr. house
38.) Have a functioning savings system and savings account
39.) Drink a glass of wine watching the sunset in Tuscany
40.) Sail on a yacht through the Greek Isles
41.) Party in Ibiza
42.) Climb the steps to the Statute Of Jesus in Rio Janiero
43.) While in Rio need to take in the 2nd best Carnival in the world :)
44.) Read the Bible from Genesis to Revelation ( and understand it)
45.) Eat a hot dog by the sidewalk in New York
46.) Ride a camel in Abu Dhabi (while visiting the recently transplanted in-laws)
47.) Sit in the audience of Oprah Winfrey's show (I only have a year to make this happen)
48.) make a lei in one of the Hawaii islands
49.) Learn to surf with my son
50.) buy a drum set for the children
51.) Buy ear plugs for me and my husband
52.) Introduce the children to soca music
53.) Introduce the children to the culture, the flavour and the tempo that is Trinidad and Tobago
54.) Be credit free
55.) Buy my mother the house of her dreams
56.) Learn to listen and hear what the people I love are saying
57.) Encourage my children to be the best that they can be
58.) Visit Alaska in the summer
59.) make Christmas pudding (Jamaican style)
60.) drink a glass of Ponche de Creme that I made
61.) Drive to Montego Bay with my husband in the passenger seat
62.) meet one or two of my blogging friends in person
63.) Watch the eldest daughter do gymnastics without my heart being stuck in my throat
64.) Be published
65.) Be happy
66.) start painting again
67.) achieve contentment
66.) paint a mini playhouse made out of cardboard with the older children
67.) make exercise a regular part of my daily routine
68.) do a head stand
69.) then do it again
70.) go to the top of Blue Mountain
71.) Pat a dolphin
72.) Then decide if I need to swim with one
73.) be on the flower committee in Church ;)
74.) Learn to make a kite old school style
75.) Teach the children how to make one
76.) Then actually get them all to fly high in the sky
77.) Explore all ends of Jamaica and share with the children
78.) Document this experience
79.) Play a game of scrabble with my Grandmother before she passes
80.) Run my own glossy magazine-hopefully fashion but possibly people
81.) Re-learn to play the violin
82.) Extract my impacted molar-finally
83.) Strum a tune on the Guitar after I learn how
84.) Own an honest to goodness film needing SLR
85.) Then get a Digital SLR with zoom and macro lens :)
86.) Have a bonafide High tea party with scones, cupcakes, cucumber sandwiches pearls and real tea with my girls
87.) Have a breakfast of strawberries and cream in bed in Paris in 2014
88.) Dress up fancy and go to an on Broadway play
89.) Then go to an off- Broadway play ;p
90.) sit next to the Dalai Lama
91.) Go on a cruise to anywhere with my mother and my sisters ( children optional)
92.) Learn to really hear the voice of my Lord (again)
---
---

Okay so I can't make it to 100 I felt like I was forcing it. I have been writing this list since July and I can only get this much But I think 85 is good too. Hoping to get all of this done.
Now going to share with my hubbie! (ok so I tweaked it since and now we have 91)

Have you ever thought of making a life list or inspiration list or bucket list? Of course it doesn't have to be 100 long it could be shorter see here
What would it look like?
Would you share it with your significant other

I think it would be a great way to bond! What say you?!

Happy Birthday to me

2010-08-05T21:35:00.000-07:00

It's my birthday so have a drink of your choosing ....
it could be tea
and sing Happy Birthday to me
Hugs

Roles and expectations

2010-08-04T09:56:00.000-07:00

Recently I overheard a not yet married friend of mine say that he was becoming more cave-like in his thinking.
He went on further to explain that if it was expected of him to be the hero at the roadside fixing a flat, or the car,
the one that puts out the garbage and mows the lawn
the one that gets the roach and lifts the heavy suitcase or couch
then it can not be wrong of him to expect a clean house and a hot cooked meal when he gets home without any grumbling or grimacing.
My friend Hope says pretty much the same thing in her blog post here.

And neither of them are wrong
EXCEPT
as I told my hubbie when discussing the first statement

These expectations need to discussed before hand.

The first fight/disagreement my hubbie and I ever had when we first started dating was his expectation of me cooking for him every day ...I laughed at that because hey we were in college and hey I couldn't cook anything other than Ramen noodles and broccoli or Kraft macaroni and cheese with canned tuna. And why would I cook for him we were not even living together yet. Mind you after this disagreement I knew what he expected.

It shouldn't be the result of an argument that you a find out what your significant other wants and needs.

It should come up in discussion before you move into together. Because suppose you are expecting your girlfriend/wife to cook you that hot meal everyday BUT she works too and can't find the time, OR she can't cook to save her life and even water is not safe with her then what are you going to be pissed with her forever. i hope not.
Or alternatively suppose the male of the couple is the cook and wants to be the main meal provider and you are like hello no way this is my kitchen then what happens then.

Giggle I have encountered both situations.

The non -cooking woman ... my aunt actually learned how to cook after she got married to feed the children ok and her hubbie, but also she keeps a stack of take-out menus for the three days that she doesn't cook.
The hubbie that wanted to handle the cooking well his wife eventually said cool the kitchen is yours on these days.

Anyway I got carried away with the cooking topic
So how will your significant other know that you are not expecting him
to fix your car (there are mechanics for that)
or kill the roach (roaches just do not frighten you)
and
you need a clean house too but you expect the tasks to be shared 50/50 and cooking... well that is a different story
if you don't speak about it.
I think you may be in for a bumpy ride if you don't.

Well maybe not bumpy but definitely interesting.

What do you think?
Would it have been easier knowing what your role was in the marriage?
The questions to start off could be as simple as:
Can you cook? Do you expect three hot meals a day?
How about take-out?
Do you know the number of the AA guy?

But I don't like it Hmmm...

2010-07-29T09:54:00.000-07:00

Recently I received a gift from an old friend that I just didn't think was me
And I know that she must have said it is all me I could just hear her say "WooHoo this looks like Gayle!"
So I am stuck with the task of saying sorry but no cigar. In the nicest possible I will not hurt your feelings way.

Which made me think...
when we get a gift from a significant other do we do the same thing try to shield their feelings or are we more direct.

My mother was famous for telling my stepfather off if he got her something that didn't fit or that wasn't her style. Or worse she would simply say nothing and would re-gift it almost immediately to the first person that walked through the door. He started to take here with him when he shopped for her.
My hubbie is like her he doesn't mince words and that is why I don't buy him any gifts. Unless he has said it a few times that he wants it and or he goes with me to get it.

Me on the other hand I would sugar coat my dislike and would actually use the gift once or twice because the way I see it if someone has made the effort to get me a gift then I should appreciate just that.

Which way is better being direct and showing your displeasure in your gift or should you soften your dislike and just say thank you?
Or should you drop hints and make a list thus making the need for guesswork less?

It is your decision choose it!

2010-07-22T15:19:00.000-07:00

One of the most profound things that you can decide to do in your marriage is:

To decide to stay married!

It is a big part of your vows isn't.
Yes that part where it says through thick or thin, sickness and health. 'Til death do us part!

But for so many of us we act as we if forget this.
We even go so far as thinking that divorce is inevitable so lets plan for it before we even get married. Yes I am talking prenup and though most think that this is something that only the super rich or uber famous indulge in if you are honest with yourself you would see that you may have walked into your marriage with a list of if he does this then I am gone and if he does that well I will be so gone... well I did anyway.

And then one day I realized that it was silly just like I was never one of those girlfriends that mentioned breaking up unless I was serious and it was the end. There was no way that I was going to play around with the notion of divorce without a fight I was going to stay married despite the annoying toothpaste tube being left uncovered or even his even more annoying habit of not calling when he knows he is going to be late. Or worse!

This is why I started to piece together my thoughts in this blog because it struck me that instead of planning for a divorce we should write up all the things that we would like to see to make the marriage work.

Three key things that I keep seeing over and over and what I have also experienced for myself that every marriage needs are:

1) You have to communicate with each other.. if you don't talk to each other than it can lead to assumptions, misunderstanding and stagnation. And remember communication also means listening to each other

2) Touch each other.. make time to be intimate (sex is good but not what I am talking about here)

&

3) Decide to stay married! and keep working at it.

She says what I am thinking and have said. my new favourite read and inspiration.

Have you decided to stay married or are you biding your time?

For the next month I will be joining SITS (The Secret Is In The Sauce) in 31 Days To Build a Better Blog (#31DBBB) in conjunction with ProBlogger Each day is a new task to post to help me focus and make this a better blog. I am a bit behind so don't be surprise if I do two or more task in a post in attempts to catch up.

Over time.

2010-07-19T10:12:00.000-07:00

My husband is a Food Network fanatic!

And it is my fault!

I am a huge fan of FoodNetwork and the television is stuck on either this channel or HGTV.
Since he wouldn't be caught dead watching HGTV (his words not mine) invariably I would switch it over to Food Network and we watch some cooking. So overtime he has been won over and now he is always on the channel or spouting something that Guy from 'Diner, Drive-ins and Dives' just mentioned. This is cool though it does highlight my lack of skill in the cooking department. giggle.

This made me realize that it is possible that even though in the beginning you may think you have nothing in common with your significant other than your love for each other that you will all of a sudden find that you do have one or two things in common.

And frankly if what ever it is gives you some together time then woohoo things are looking up.

Here is a link to a thought provoking post I read recently that speaks to compromising in marriage I am not sure I agree with most of what he said but it did make me think. Read it and see what you get from it.

Call me....

2010-07-09T08:12:00.000-07:00

with the many numerous ways that we can stay connected.
Why is it that it is still so hard to receive a little phone call, text, email stating simply

I'm running late!

Sigh don't they know (your significant other) that you start to think all manners of possible ways that they may be...
laying in a ditch
wrapped around a pole
being held up by knife/gun point
you name it I am sure it crossed your mind

just after the possible thought of ...
oh that rat he is hanging out the boys again
yikes I knew that girl at work was too flirty
briefly flickers through and gets dismissed.

I think it should be a mandatory understanding that if you are running late or you plan to be late that you communicate this fact .
BUT I know it doesn't always happen.
This is what I would write in the manual:

I EXPECT a phone call whether you are late drinking with the boys or late because of work! And i promise to do the same!
What say you?!

I bet you knew this!

2010-07-05T13:42:00.000-07:00

men who wash the dishes have more sex, The more men contribute to the domestic chores, the more active their sex life is with their wives.

Read More http://www.ivillage.com/science-good-marriage-6/6-b-192660#content#ixzz0sqXlWzwW

Well seeing that this is a big issue of mine naturally I was drawn to this article on ivillage. There were so many interesting pointers and all that screamed out at me after the headline of course is that line 'men who wash the dishes have more sex.'

I couldn't agree more and those that help with breakfast too :)

Hope everyone had a great 4th of July.

We are not a good team...

2010-07-04T10:59:00.000-07:00

Well not in the sense of the word we are not!
Oh giggle... I am talking about my husband and me.

We do not work well together.
Why is that? you may be asking

It is because we are both bossy.
We both want to lead
We both need to be calling the shots
We both want to be the BOSS!
And this has lead to many a heated arguments over the years.

We tried working together in a business but he wanted to be the boss and I thought we should be equal partners so that did not work..... and we didn't speak more than two sentences to each other for a month! Oops

So now you find I step back and let him do what he is doing whether it be putting in a light bulb,
photoshopping an image (I am a graphic designer when I am not a STAHM) or cooking.
And he does the same.

Strangely though even though we may not work together well... he is the one person I would pick first if I was in a crisis situation like an accident, plane crash or something of that like. And he is the only person that I would have with me in a delivery room (been there twice). My normally excitable, indecisively annoying, incredibly opinionated hubbie becames the epitome of calm, decisiveness and organisedness ( I couldn't think of the correct word). hmmm who knew

So my point to this entry is that even though we may not work good together, we can work good together if we keep our egos in check!

And to prove this point today we made breakfast
together
in the same kitchen
on the same stove
using the same utensils
&
it was good, fun and easy
who knew that we could do it, but we did
Time happens I guess.. if you let it.

No question just sharing

Things You Shouldn’t Do….

2010-07-01T09:21:00.000-07:00

Loving this post from Hope who's blog hopelesslycrushingonyou chronicles her crush on a guy
so I just had to share with you simply because it kind of says what I have been saying through out this blog and the name of the post is similar to the name of this blog LOL

You shouldn’t open your eyes in the morning and not see me.

You shouldn’t get out of bed before we make love

You shouldn’t leave without kissing me goodbye

You shouldn’t have to go all day without talking to me

You shouldn’t look at your desk and not see a picture of us

You shouldn’t come home from work and think about work

You shouldn’t have to worry if I care about how your day went

You shouldn’t have to watch that movie alone

You shouldn’t have dinner alone

You shouldn’t have to wonder if its ok to call me

You shouldn’t have to hang up when were done talking, I should be there

read the rest here

Just 10 minutes...

2010-06-30T12:31:00.000-07:00

I realize that at times it may be hard to really notice your significant other.

Work gets in the way
The children and all the responsibilities get in the way
making of dinner
paying the bills
road rage
laundry rage
computer time
stupid argument over toothpaste
you fill in your distraction
it gets in the way

It is all too easy for the day to pass and you haven't really spoken to your spouse other than to grumble good morning or hello.
But it is important that you schedule a minimum of 10 minutes a day to connect.
To talk about your day, to see each other.... to share a touch, a kiss even
It could be just before you go to bed or first thing as you wake but without that time for connection then you can easily fall into simply being roommates.

When is our ten minutes... the ten minutes before I go to bed ( hubbie usually stays up later bonding with the computer.)

When would our special talking time be?

It's not all about you!

2010-06-24T11:47:00.000-07:00

Another post from that 'a Cup of Jo' marriage series says a key to a good marriage is trying your best to focus on what your significant other needs you to be to him, instead of what you want him to be to you.

This is such great advice

BUT

Do you know how hard this is?!
Thinking about your husband/wife first and not yourself.
In this the it's all about ME, self gratifying time we are living in.
Lets face it...ridiculously hard LOL because I don't know about you I am self centered!

However if we can at least attempt to attain just a little of shift in focus to your spouse and not the almighty 'me' 'I ' then we may open up a door of possible happiness and peace.

Borrowing a quote from the post
"Love your other how they need to be loved, not how you need to be."

Try it! what is the worst that could happen....
your significant other may like it
...or worse yet you may!

(oh I have actually been working on this myself and I can attest that thinking of what the hubbie needs before what I need is not all that bad)

I didn't have my cup of tea this morning

2010-06-24T10:54:00.000-07:00

sigh!
It was on the grocery list that was given to the hubbie
BUT
he said it wasn't a priority the box of tea so he bought ramen noodles instead

You see my hubbie has no addiction to any early morning pick me ups so he laughs at my need for tea even though I have showed him countless research about the benefits of tea.. antioxidants and all that. The fact that I lace mine with condense milk and sugar is a minor deviation.

I have a cup of tea every morning before I say hello to anyone,
before I notice the sky whether it be grey, cloudy or sparkly blue

It is a priority to me...
without my cup of tea I am
like a lazy, energy less sloth that can barely manage out of bed much less get the children up and ready for school!

Oh well maybe I needed a break from caffeine and I will just have to curl up with the girls when they sleep because boy do I feel to SLEEP.

I was reading an older post from one of my daily reads by Joanna Goddard of a Cup of Jo and she did a series last year on the secrets to a happy marriage.

This post about Joslyn really stuck with me.
Her husband made her coffee every day, it reminded me of my mother and my stepfather...whose marriage can by no means be classified as happy or perfect, BUT the most positive thing that my mother would say of it was that my step-father made her a perfect cup of tea every morning with out fail before he went off to work. She would remember this wistfully and sigh.

It is the little things that soothe the soul and make you feel that glow of happy and contentment with your chosen other.

There are no questions to ask for the manual just a statement LOL

YES I DRINK TEA EVERYDAY !

What are your little priorities? Ok so I had to ask

2010-06-21T13:08:00.000-07:00

Have you ever just wished you could have a discussion with your significant other that just involved listening and a few well intentioned
uh huhs,
oh no,
you said it girl and nothing else.

No plan of strategy to fix things
No well if I was you this is what I would do
No ... well I told you how to deal with this already
No ... this is what we will do

Just listening.

Hmmm now thinking of this as I like to do it hit me... why then can't we preempt a conversation that you know is just about listening, venting, chatting by handing over a card that says :

So the poor hubbie knows in advance his role in the conversation.
Do you think that would be a bit rude?
Maybe
But I think that it would make for a more peaceful existence between the two parties. Because there will be no incidences that could lead to fighting!

Well that is what I am thinking...
What say you?!

Happy Father's Day

2010-06-19T21:08:00.000-07:00


Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
John Mayer

I have always said that who ever I go out with had
to treat me in a manner that
my father had me accustomed or better.

I have been fortunate to be blessed with
a really sweet,loving supportive father.
He, of course is the first man:
to tell me he loved me,
drive with me at the wheel
(he taught me how to drive)
to dance with me
to buy me an alcoholic drink (you should
know what alcohol taste like)
to take me to dinner (learned manners and
 good eating etiquette)
to buy me jewellry
and to tell me no. :)

This 'no' was his way to motive me to do
it on my own and that I did!
I love my Father and am so blessed to have him in my life.

As I watch my husband with 'his' children. I am seeing -
the same qualities and it makes me smile because I think
that my girls can easily say that they
need to be treated as good as or better than
their father treated them.

Happy Father's Day!

World Cup/NBA Finals/WSuperBowl Widow

2010-06-19T19:17:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine recently posted on her facebook page that she will miss her husband:

Farewell beloved husband! The children and I will miss u...c u nxt month(World Cup u better be worth it!!) signed World Cup Widow and her kids!

I laughed... simply because this was a fact that I accepted about my husband as well. If the World cup is on (and it comes only every four years) there is no couples time unless it means me sitting watching the matches as well. Luckily for us I do get into the World Cup fever and it doesn't cause any issues.

My husband is also an avid American Football fan and there is definitely no talking then just football. I am not that much of a fan.

I guess this is called accepting the good with the bad LOL.

My advice to anyone who has a significant other who may have an inkling of an interest in sport
take it seriously and know that it is not going to go away it is here to stay and the intensity is sure to grow with time.

I thought I would share this letter with you it is of course done in the spirit of The FIFA World Cup but you can interject the SuperBowl, PGA, NBA Finals you name it:

FIFA World Cup Rules (for wife/girlfriend/SO etc)

Dear Wife/Sweetheart/Girl Friend/Partner/whomever it may concern,
1. Between 11 June and 11 July 2010, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World of Soccer, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don’t mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me.

4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out off your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell on the floor....It won't happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on (excluding your body parts), and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

6. Please, please, please!! If you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, it's only a game", or "don’t worry, they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break up or divorce.

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the half time score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one" game; hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse too "spend time together".

8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again, many times.

9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go,
and
c) I will not go.

10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this...why don’t you change the channel to something we can all watch?" because, the reply will l be, "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".

12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank Good the World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because before and after this comes the Champions League, Premier League, Italian League, Spanish League, KPL, FAA Cup, Euro Cup, etc. P/S

By the way if you get stuck on the road, call the Police or AAA.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Who is it most important to?

2010-06-16T11:41:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about the following statement:

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
Erma Bombeck

And it made me think of a comment my mother made in the early days of my marriage.
I must have been grumbling about the dishes, the bed, the place being strewn with clothes, dust... who knows all I remember at times I felt as if I was married to a teenager and I was venting to my mother!

Her response to my vent was 'Well honey if it is that important to you then why worry about whether he does it or not... you do it. It is making you miserable to see it, not him so just wash those dishes and forget about it!'

What.... just do it for yourself? That can not be the answer! He needs to help, how can all this MESS not bug him?

BUT she was right as all mothers are :)

Because in the end the only person that was getting all hetted and sweaty over the issue was me. I mean hello this is the guy that was home alone for two weeks ( I was visiting my family with the children) and not one dish was left unused or in the cupboard. They were all very intimate with the sink and all manners of stale food and when those dishes were finished he simply ordered take-out!

So now I find that if I have asked for the hubbie to do something and it isn't done I simply just wait a few and do it myself OR it just may not get done until I am good and ready.

So maybe I have adopted Erma's theory and didn't even realize it. Well look at that!

The question to ask may be
Are you open to doing it yourself?
Can you just leave it until later?

A little humour thanks to Erma

2010-06-15T20:35:00.000-07:00

I wish I could be as easy about things as this quote from Erma:
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
Erma Bombeck

This however is my motto:
If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.
Erma Bombeck

Have a great night

In an ideal world...

2010-06-14T08:59:00.000-07:00

This is what the split would look like:

Garbage goes out every Sunday night!- hubbie
no prompting no cajoling

I cook dinner/breakfast/lunch/snack/: you wash dishes
you cook dinner/breakfast/lunch/snack: I wash dishes

The last person to empty the ice tray/filter jug/milk carton should replace
guilty of the milk carton though the rest not so much

Feeding of the dog: me
once a week you could offer- hubbie

If I have two children: you have two children
( we have four) lets share the duty

Homework! We get it everyday
You take one older child : I take one older child

The last person to get out of the bed should straighten the bed
hmmm

The person with the least sleep at night should get an extra hour to sleep in
Sometimes that could be me :)

Just scraping along the surface with this one.
What would your ideal world be?

Moving family in...

2010-06-10T08:33:00.000-07:00

As I watch this man I call Daddy
walk around in his underwear
I see a man oblivious of the fact that he is no longer in his own space and
also a man comfortable in his own skin.

My father is visiting! Been here one week already
He is getting older well it is a only natural right. No matter how much I try to brainwash myself to the contrary he is aging and getting grayer and unfortunately a little off- balanced. He is going to 76 this year ( For some reason he keeps mistakenly saying 26) and with all things considered he is really aging great his brain is still sharp as a whip and he looks good.

But it made me think of the question that few of us think to consider before you get married.
What will you do when your parents become too old to take care of themselves.

If you are from a large family would you be the one to take in your mother, your father?
Do you expect to be responsible for both pairs of in-laws?
Are you pro 'old age' home or anti?

We never discussed this before marriage, but it seemed only natural that we would be responsible for my father-in-law when my sister-in-law moved to live in the cold regions of Canada. So now he lives in the adjoining apartment of his house and we moved into the main house.

Having a parent live with you brings with it a whole lot of interesting experiences some heartwarming, others...... not so much.
you know like the underwear parading father!

HELLO!!!!

2010-06-09T11:30:00.000-07:00

Just thought I would say hello...

HELLO!!

mind you it echoed back to me!
It sure is quiet here! feel as if I am yelling over a canyon
is there anyone out there?
hmmm nope only the crickets

Lucky for me I am not taking it personally!!

LOL

Adding to it all

2010-06-08T06:52:00.000-07:00

I like perusing through 'Shine' an affiliate site of Yahoo!'s.
Recently, I have been finding topics that add some meat to some of my posts so I am going to link to them

To go along with my Children?! post you could read this

And

To go along with Kiss me dammit you could read this.
I especially think this part is worthy of trying

IF YOU HAVE A MINUTE… This is from a great article in the current Scientific American Mind by Robert Epstein (do it with your guy): Embrace each other gently and gradually synchronize your breathing with his. Just stand there inhaling and exhaling together, as if you were one being. A minute or two of this, apparently, lowers your inhibitions—and that can help people bond.

Sounds cool right! Try it I say.

Having a bit of a block so been seeking inspiration to help form the words mulling around in my head that are refusing to take shape.
Keep good!
What do you think of the questions raised in the two articles?

What did you call me?!

2010-06-05T11:42:00.000-07:00

Dean of 'Tori and Dean' makes a habit of calling Tori Spelling- Momma.
She seems to like it and she answers to it!
My husband calls me Mummy sometimes.
It drives me nutty.
Sometimes I answer to it ....
But most times it is as if he didn't speak.

In all fairness he started calling me Mummy when the children started calling me Daddy. It was a form of reinforcement to the children that I was Mummy and not Daddy.
Yes I was Daddy to my older children for the first two to three years of their life LOL.
And it stuck in his mind.
But every time he calls me that I always have to bite my tongue because I want to tell him that "I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER!!!"

I wonder if other woman have that issue. Hmmm
I am sure! There are so many men that call their wives Mother, Mummy, Momma that there must be one or two that just answers because it is their name after all.

So the question for this would be:
Would you still love me if I call you Mummy?
Would you still love me if I call you Daddy?
What nicknames are acceptable?

Hope you are enjoying your weekend!

Sharing

2010-06-03T11:55:00.000-07:00

I came across this site and felt the need to share their views on marriage.

Strong and vital marriages have things in common:

1. These couples know individually who they are - sons and daughters of God. They set eternal goals...

2. They know the doctrine and eternal blessings of the temple ordinances and covenants

3. They choose blessings of the kingdom of God rather than the temporary possessions of the world

4. They realize they have chosen an eternal companion - their days for courting are over

5. These couples think of one another before themselves. Selfishness suffocates spiritual senses.

6. They communicate with the Lord and prayer and they converse with each other. They talk early about "little hurts" with little fear of offending. They are willing to apologize and ask forgiveness. They express their love.

Sounds about right to me!

Children?!

2010-06-01T08:47:00.000-07:00

This is a weighted question if ever there was one:
I want children do you?

Before you get married this question needs to be addressed in great detail. Well at least I think so.
Most people are afraid of this one, simply because children change everything.
A child = huge responsibility!
Not many of us are ready for it. And to be blunt some of us are just not fans of children.

I have a long time family friend who is going to end it with his girlfriend because she has no intention of ever having children and he wants! In particular he wants sons to carry on his family name!
So you can see the requirements that his chosen wife will have to fulfill not only must she love children, but she must bear a son! Not just any child but a son because he is the last of his 'clan' and his name will die with him if there is no son to carry it on.

Loving children or being good with children doesn't necessarily equate that same person will actually want children. A couple friend of mine are like that they are fabulous with children and love playing with them and being with them... BUT they also love that they can hand the children over to their parents. Before they got married they made a decision not to have children. I was shocked because as I said they are great with children and I think they would be fabulous parents. But you have to give it to them to have broached this subject and made a decision no matter how strange it may be.

My husband who is a fabulous father actually doesn't like children much.... let me clarify children who are not his own LOL. Actually I think if we didn't have any he would have been just as cool with that option too.
He is just not a baby person and he really was not much help for the first year of both of our older children. Once they started walking he became more involved. With the twins well he had no choice but to get involved with them and even gasp changing a diaper or ten!!

It is only once you go through the baby stage that you know exactly what you need from each other... but it couldn't hurt to broach the possible expectations once you decide to have a baby/babies/children.

Here are some of my suggestions:

Know that the sex of a child is not something that you can order...well at least not yet!
Night waking should it be alternated?
How about you bring the baby to me and I feed!
Would you be waking up for all? Can you do at least one diaper change a day?
Know that I am as grossed out by puke up, diarrhea, baby diapers as you are!
So I will need help , Will you help me!

I actually never thought I wanted to have children.. the idea of children has always stressed me out I worried about falling down, bruises, tears, hospital visits. I had my first child and I realized that those fears are well- founded LOL, but I have not looked back and enjoy everyone of them. I do miss my weekends though but that is the sacrifice I made.

You may be thinking what a strange post... considering today my girls celebrate their first birthday!
What can I say they made me think!

Happy Birthday my sweet sweet Love and Joy :)

2010-05-27T08:05:00.000-07:00

People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.
Erma Bombeck

I loved Erma Bombeck humour and I am reminded of many of her lines in my marriage so I will share a few of her quotes from time to time!

Stay at home....

2010-05-26T08:31:00.001-07:00

When the time comes would you be okay if I 'stay at home'?

This question was never one I ever seriously considered.

Growing up in a single parent household with my mum in charge, it was only natural to me that I would grow up and join the workforce and if children came then I would tend to them and head back into the workforce again.

Then I had my first child and the thought of leaving him to anyone's care seemed impossible.
But between my husband I, I had the steady income so I worked for a bit. Then gave up the ghost of working full time after my daughter was born two years after my son and then tried balancing both work and motherhood with work tipping the scales to it's side too many times that I gave up the ghost. With the birth of the twins last year working for someone is no longer possible.

So I stay at home.

I don't miss the struggle to balance work and children... I do miss the paycheck and dressing up and leaving the house but that is a different matter.

I am not sure how the conversation came about, but before the children my husband made it clear that he was not enamored with the whole stay at home idea... he thought everyone should pull their weight and help pay the bills. Which as I stated before didn't bother me because I believe in working.

But life has a way of shaking up your concepts and beliefs.

My husband actually found himself in the position albeit reluctantly of being the stay at home person... well he worked for himself at home which means he was responsible for my son until the sitter came in to look at my son.

Society is a whole lot more tolerant of a stay at home mum than it is of a stay at home dad. We are still under the old 'rulings' that man is responsible for the bacon and woman takes care of all things in the house including the children.

A man staying at home to take care of the children is sometimes frowned on because the man is not considered man enough. And this thought can even be harboured by his wife who all of a sudden is 'left' with the pressure of getting those bills paid. And not liking it. Pretty much how some men feel about the whole stay at home thing.

The decision to stay at home should be one that both of you understand and agree on. You need to know if it is a lifetime decision or whether it is just for a period say until the children are in school or if a good can't turn it down money paying position occurs.

My husband view on me being a stay at home mum changed not because of his stint as one, but because of the children. Well we both changed our view on it. We both decided to sacrifice the money so that our children would have one of us there with them. Because there is nothing worse than seeing your children stagnate because you are not around.

So this is an important discussion that needs to happen when you first start off because you would need to know how to deal with it once the situation presents itself.

However, as with all things what you may decide in the beginning is always always subject to change. 'Cause the woman gungho to stay at home before the child/children arrive. Can decide that sanity can only be achieved if she leaves the house from 9-5!

So what say you?
Should you stay at home?

Hopefully a short blip in transmission

2010-05-24T17:58:00.000-07:00

Jamaica the land of sun, sand, sea and reggae
does an about turn and highlights it's other side
Bring on the crime, violence and unnecessary silliness!

This weekend my family went off on a relaxing sun-soaked weekend to Ocho Rios just 2 and half hours away from Kingston where we live. We left a slightly damp Kingston and indulged in a much needed albeit short break from the busyness of our life... ok my life.
There was lots of
sun,
beauty all around
and sea breeze a plenty.
The children were happy, sun-drenched water-logged :)

Return to Kingston and find our city in a STATE OF EMERGENCY with gunshots and grenades being exchanged between the police and criminal insurgents at almost every corner.
The scary thing is I am not even being over dramatic well maybe the every corner thing. When we were heading in from Ocho Rios all the stories coming in were particularly dire and almost made us turn back.
Fortunately for my family and my friends our corner has not been hit by the violence and gun display.
We are safe.... locked firmly behind closed doors! And not venturing out again until we get the go ahead!

So I breathe a sigh of relief for a second,
but as I do that I have to say a huge prayer for the country and for those people who are not so lucky and are no longer safe in their homes just because of location.

I rise with the sun do you?

2010-05-20T08:45:00.000-07:00

You know that whole thing about opposites attracting and all that... well I think it applies to your sleeping patterns as well. You can find yourself in some deep water if you or your spouse is a early riser and the other is not!

I say this because I have wanted to clobber my sleeping husband with a pillow so many times because he was indulging in a seemingly glorious sleep-in until noon while I who have been up from six in the am is ready to do something and can't get him up!

Ok take a breathe.

It only bothers me a little bit now. I guess I am too busy now in the morning because all of my children are early risers... earlier than I am.

But in the beginning a whole different story...
I have never been able to sleep past nine even if I went out partying all night and got in at 6. Pop opens my eyes and I am AWAKE by nine. So as such I do all my chores, errands, activities early because if it is done or in process by noon then the day is shot.
My husband... the eternal teenager as I jokingly call him sometimes will happily sleep the day away.
And I with my expectations of Saturdays spending lovely weekends together strolling on the beach, lunching at some fabulous bistro/restaurant/cafe. Sundays reading the Sunday newspaper together before going off to church then finishing off the morning with a lovely brunch either back home or somewhere tasty. Would find my irritation rising as I realized that I should have known better because I knew that he was an owl and owls don't sleep at night they sleep during the day.
I took the better part of six years to reconcile that weekends as I envisioned it will never be that way. I may get a touch of it some time but this will always a once in blue moon event. LOL

Strangely enough this was never a topic to fight over it was just a source of great irritation to me and eventually a mind shift for me and changing of expectations to achieve a happy mental medium because the way I rationalized it you need sleep to grow right :)

But definitely a topic that I should have broached in the beginning. Probably would have eased a whole lot of unnecessary irritations.

So I rise with the sun do you?
OR
I love sleeping the weekend away?
Does either bother you?

My husband knows my size!

2010-05-18T07:37:00.000-07:00

Well he does most times.

I have changed a bit in my dimensions now I used to be medium on top and small on the bottom, now I am small on top and small on the bottom... blame it on breast feeding... I do.

I have never been big on shopping and strangely enough he is gets a kick-out of it. Yeah I know you are probably thinking metro-sexual or of that sort, but no he just has good taste, kind of have an idea of my taste and loves a bargain.

So my husband does the clothes shopping... mind you some of my outfits are a little bit shorter, a little bit more fitted than I would normally have chosen for myself, but they always look good on.
I on the other hand am not that sure what his measurements are and I am still trying to figure out his style... how about that for a reversal of roles.

Knowing the size and preference of style that your spouse or significant other has is important if only because it makes gift giving that much easier.

I had a friend a size med/lge whose husband gave her a birthday gift of a very beautiful little black dress. She loved it except for the fact that it was a small. Fortunately for her husband she thought it was sweet that her husband thought she was that small. Not sure if I would be so cool about that mix-up, because it leads to the question 'how could he not know'?

Me on the other hand alway miss the target when I buy my husband a nice shirt or a nice pair of pants because his style is way more conservative than my style for him. (Insert the question of the last paragraph here :)) So instead I find myself just giving cool electronic gifts for those special occasions. And to be honest there is really nothing wrong with that either.

So the questions that we need to know and would definitely come in handy on the Newlywed Game:
What is/are your favourite colour/s?
What is your shoe size?
What size dress do you wear, shirt, pants?

Being aware always that life happens and these dimensions may go up and down without notice.
LOL

The Power of the Written Word

2010-05-14T07:48:00.000-07:00

Do you write love notes?

Recently I have had the pleasure of meeting this wonderful young-in-love Christian couple. They actually get married this month.
Wonderful, very sweet couple whose love for God and each other shined through and at times was blinding :)

They share a journal.
Especially when they are going to spend time away from each other

In it they share their thoughts, concerns, their love ...you name it it goes into that book. This tool works to keep them truly focused on their relationship.

What a novel concept sharing your thoughts in writing with someone you love.

But if a journal is a bit extreme how about on occasion writing a note to your significant other saying how you feel or in this age of the internet even send an email.
I found a few printouts of email exchanges that I had with my husband when we were first dating and it was like a jolt to the relationship the reminder of how we felt when we started
Why do we stop the cards, the notes the communication. I don't know but it is tool that couples should use. A simple little one liner is sufficient I LOVE YOU

What do you sleep in?

2010-05-13T09:42:00.000-07:00

I know strange question to ask.

But this is a topic that always come to mind for me when I think sleeping wear. I am a t-shirt girl. The bigger, the whiter, the more worn the better. Sometimes paired with a nice boxer and that's it.

In the beginning of my marriage my mother after visiting with us was appalled by my choice of sleepwear and sat me down and read me the riot act about the need to give my marriage some attention, get rid of those t-shirts and get some better looking lingerie type garments.
So not the type of conversation you want to be having with your mother!

Of course I had to respond that I didn't have any problems getting some action going on if that is what she was referring to. And I wasn't being facetious I just knew I am not a sexy lingerie wearing to illicit action type of girl. I have tried, but my husband thought it was funny and laughed at me although as you know laughter is a good thing, and I am sure the laughter was more because of my discomfort of being on show than the lingerie itself. Which is so odd considering which female can't rock a bra and panties. The answer is we all can. But call it lingerie and out come a huge dose of bashfulness. Anyway I digress. Chatting with my husband well really my then boyfriend I found out that while he would have enjoyed a show or game if presented to him it wasn't something that he needed and he was in a fan of my t-shirts :) Isn't he sweet.

However, if he had said differently I guess I am sure I would have gotten myself to a point where it would be like rocking my undies.

So what say you sexy lingerie or comfy white t's.?

2010-05-08T20:53:00.000-07:00

A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. ~Tenneva Jordan

This saying reminds me of my mother. She always did this when we were growing up and I am surprised that I find myself doing it to this day. I love my Mother.

Mother's day is a day I always enjoy not for what I receive but for what I have. I enjoy marvelling on the beauty of my babies. This year is even more special because my two are now a solid four. The fact that God thinks me worthy to take care of his children is awesome to me. I am thankful

Happiness is being sandwiched between all four of them and stealing an extra half hour of sleep. I am blessed.

Have a great day. Happy Mother's day

A list of good words only

2010-05-07T09:12:00.000-07:00

I read some where, can't remember where, that you should never discuss your spouse or your relationship with anyone else because that could lead to disrespect.

And I found this to be true I may be pissed with my husband and want to vent on him to friends and family- for him leaving his socks laying around or because I am tripping on his gigantic shoes for example, but it doesn't sound so pretty when it is repeated back to me as a man who is lazy and untidy. You open your relationship up to scrutiny that only you should have it under.

So I have to say now I keep my relationship cards close to my heart yes keeping it upbeat and positive even here ;)

Another thing that is important is how you refer to your spouse. If you constantly have him in your mind as deadbeat, lazy, good for nothing, selfish, self-centered... insert your own words ... then you will say as much to family, friends, co-workers, your children. And he/she just may really become all of those things. So this needs to be stopped

I am always awed by the people that make a conscious effort to emphasis the wonderfulness of their spouse. Talking about how good looking they are, thoughtful, sharing, blessed. So I tried it focusing especially on the positives and not so much on the negatives of the person and I was amazed that I didn't see the silly things that annoyed because I was too busy focusing on the good things that were there as well.

Of course we all have negatives we are human after but if we are to have fulfilling long lasting relationships maybe it will do us good to shine a light on the positives.

So things I am reminded of when I am looking for the good in my spouse:

Boy is he full of a generous spirit
Caring
Loving
Wonderful father
funny
just plain wonderful

I keep this list near by so that when I feel my collar getting hot because he is being oblivious of the time and we ARE late I don't get mad I remember.

What would you put on your list... the beauty of this list if you work it right this list can keep growing and growing.
(ps have a good weekend)

Why do some stay and others run for the hills?!

2010-05-06T06:51:00.000-07:00

Taking a small break from my usual musings to wonder about this:-

This year seems to be the year for multiple affairs talking in particular about Tiger Woods, Jesse James and David Letterman.

As much as i would rather not read or watch all the sordid details of these families unraveling it is captivating. I think in part because it is scary.

It has made me wonder-
Why do some stay and work through the damage that infidelity brings, while others run as fast as they can!

Elin didn't immediately file for divorce, neither did David Letterman's wife... As we all know now Sandra has the papers in the works.

And this goes for men as well. Because women cheat too. As much as we would like to think only men cheat it happens both ways. And some men stay as well.

Could it be the history of the relationship that makes it stickier. Meaning that you want to stick with it. (Sorry for the making up of grammar LOL)
Could it be not wanting to loss a friend?
Could it be not wanting to break up the family?
Could it be afraid of the great unknown of single life?

I just wondered. As a teenager I have always thought I would be opened minded and I was not so opened minded with an old boyfriend who cheated, but I know that was because he did not come clean in the beginning. So may be that is the key. The truth must be forthcoming ! WHo knows?

Now that I am married I still think I would try to work it through. I guess the situation will have to present itself for you to really know how you would react.

What do you think? Why do some stay and some run as fast as they can? and what do you think you would do?

Silly, positively inane stuff

2010-05-03T07:48:00.000-07:00

The toothpaste tube... do you squeeze from the top, the bottom or are you a middle squeezer?
What about the cap do you remember to put it on or does it lay forgotten near the sink?

The toilet seat what do you think do you mind that it is up all the time?
Should it stay down all the time?

For that matter do you care how the toilet roll hangs?

Oh and the sheets should they be well made or why bother we are going to sleep in them later anyway!

Do we have to share pillows?

As simple as these seem it is amazing how this seemingly inane issues can over time be the straw that breaks the camels back. Personally the toothpaste tube has no effect on me. I prefer to squeeze from the bottom and my husband squeezes where ever the feeling takes him. I usually just reposition it how I want it when it is my time to brush. My mother on the other hand used to blow a big one if ever anyone squeezed it anywhere other than the bottom. And if this is an issue for you and you are spoiling for a fight it can definitely help fuel that anger.

The toilet seat however used to be a big issue for me and is still cause for teasing as far as my husband is concerned. And my grouse with it is understandable I think considering I lived in a tiny apartment with an even tinier bathroom. I hated to walk in and see the toilet bowl gaping open at me and of course falling in to the bowl a few nights in a row didn't endear me to my then boyfriend. I would be so annoyed and not speak to him because of the toilet. However, to save my sanity I started checking for an open bowl even half asleep and if it was up I just simply put it down. And I think even though he still grumbles my husband does make a conscious effort to put it down. We also moved to a bigger place so it is also not such a GLARING problem .

An unmade bed though is my silent pet peeve. I need to have my bed made up before I leave for the day. This is something that is ingrained in me mind you from my mother but it is there all the same I despise coming home to an unmade bed and i definitely could sleep in a bed that is unmade. No way no how, so I will make it up if it is not made up before I go to sleep, because sleep will not come if the sheets are rumpffuled. Don't laugh that is just the way I am. Not so much for my husband he is of the philosophy why make the bed you are just going to get it messy again when you sleep in it! And because he always wakes up after me I have had to learn to adopt that philosophy (okay not) myself. I still make it before I lay my head on my pillow.

Which brings me to my pillow... my pillow is my pillow, my side is on the left of the bed and I think that no one but me should touch either of them. With the exception of my sick children they get what ever they want when they are sick.

My pillow is a source of contention with the two of us, because my husband thinks I should learn to share and I think that he should just leave my pillow alone. I sleep the best on my pillow and some how it always ends up under his head! We have gotten into some seriously heated arguments over my pillow and my side. And he is right in a sense there should be no 'mine' in coupledom, but I also think that I am entitled to some things that are just mine and he should respect it for what it is!

Such little insignificant things that if left unchecked can turn that tiny anthill into Mt. Everest.
What other little things are there that shouldn't matter but get under the skin anyway?

Buggy things

2010-04-29T14:23:00.000-07:00

Are you are afraid of bugs? which needs to lead to
Who is going to deal with which bug?
You may be surprised who is freaked out by what!

These are questions that are never discussed ever until you are both standing on a table shrieking! Who is afraid of what.

Personally I despise lizards they crawl my skin and I can't take to see them or be anywhere near them. Living in the Caribbean there is no getting away from them. So much so one day one little creepy decided to share a towel with me. Out of the corner of my eye I saw it and let out a piercing shriek one that I didn't know I had in me and then while flinging the towel with the offending lizard yell for my husband at the top of my lungs. He rushes in immediately asks me what happened, i tell him while pointing that Lizard there there get rid of it I don't care how ARGHHHH! He takes one look at it and jumps on the bed and attempts to fling his shoe at while standing on the bed about a mile away. So I exaggerate about the distance more like three yards away but still FAR. He got the lizard eventually, though I must say that the ridiculousness of seeing him on the bed did relieve my distress.

Now my husband knew I despised lizards but before the bed dance I didn't even know that he shared the same dislike.

On the other hand cockroaches don't bother me I find them disgusting and dirty so I find the nearest shoe---flip flops work best and I squoosh them. And my husband lets me while he sits patiently reading anything (he hates to read) two rooms away. He despises cockroaches.
So I exterminate the cockroaches and he finds a way to shoo the lizards away. I also handle rats and mice though yuck this really grosses me out.

So yeah this is definitely something that could be written down in the early so you are prepared when the bugs come crawling up your legs.